Love
by anna.burks.39
Summary: Her name was Chloe. She had been a Birthmother, now she was an Attendant to the Receiver (a high honor job for a retired Birthmother). She did her job well, and obeyed all the rules. But there was more to this young woman than meets the eye. Starting with the love she felt for her products, her friends, and the two men who would change her life.
1. Chapter 1

"Where is Mekhi?" the elder man asks me, obviously annoyed to see a young assistant coming to answer his request for special assistance instead of a fully trained, experienced doctor. He doesn't even hand me the patient clipboard.

"He's with another patient, got crushed under some building equipment, so he sent me to get her vitals and do an initial exam. I think I can handle that, don't you?" I say in my most pleasant voice, one I had learned from my younger sister that always gets you your way, and hold out my hand for the clipboard. The older man eyes me critically, but eventually hands it to me, a bit reluctantly.

"Yes, I guess a medical assistant of your talent could handle _that._" He grumbles, still somewhat upset. I smile cheerily at him.

"Won't be a medical assistant for to much longer" I tell him "Now what's the situation? All they told us was that this was a special circumstance birth that has suddenly gone high risk."

The man points at the clipboard "It's all written right there." He says, and then goes on to explain anyway "It's a birthmother. We've never had a problem with her before; both of her previous productions went as smoothly as possible. We have had our eyes on her for this special insemination for a while now, we wanted to make sure that we were putting our eggs in the right basket, if you know what I mean."

"Uh-huh." I say, looking down at the clipboard. The top reads: Birthmother 24763/ Chloe.

I know this girl. She was in my age group, Number 19 Chloe. Small but athletic Chloe, the shy girl who spent all of her free time at the Nurturing Center. I had forgotten her, after all she and I had never been particular friends, and once our assignments had been given our classes had changed, I had taken harder more demanding classes and she…. had kind of dropped out of school altogether. But I do remember her, vaguely. It's been nearly six years since I last saw her. I wonder if she's as pretty as she was when we were younger…. not that it really matters; I just remember that she had been the prettiest girl in our age group. She had been the girl to give me my first stirrings.

I shake away those thoughts and continue reading. The first part is her basic information, her age (seventeen, same as me), her height (five foot three), her weight and IQ and that sort of thing. Underneath all of that was some information about her previous two products, both female, both with perfectly normal vitals, they had both developed normally and were assigned to family units and given names. Her previous physicians had scribbled a few notes under all of that, mostly regarding her physical health during and after each pregnancy (apparently she done fine both times around and had recently been deemed strong enough for another insemination.)

"So what happened this time around?" I ask the man, flipping the page.

"Well at first nothing. We had her double checked, just to make sure, you know we can't loose any special insemination products, can't afford too."

"Yes, I'm aware of that" I say, nodding. The man continues.

"Well anyway, she checked out fine both times we examined her, so we gave them the go-ahead and they inseminated her. It took just fine, and in a month she was declared a vessel. But then when she got her first sonogram, well…. she's got twins."

"Fraternal or…."

"Identical" the man is saying, "The tests show that they are identical."

I sigh "One for here and one for elsewhere then?"

The man nods "That's not really the emergency though, we've handled identical twins before, even special circumstance identical twins. The problem is that she's nearly miscarried twice already and she's only in her second trimester."

"When was the first time?"

"Last month, it gave us all a scare, though she didn't seem all that phased by it. She's a typical birthmother, doesn't seem to care much about the well being of her products. Technicians tell us she doesn't even try to peek at the sonograms. Anyway, the second time was just this morning, and it was pretty serious, she was bleeding and everything, we very nearly lost them." He stops suddenly; I look up and see he's giving me a very earnest look.

"We can't loose those products, do you understand? We can loose her, she's dispensable, just another laborer when she's done with this, but we can NOT loose those products. You and Doctor Mekhi have to do everything in your power to make sure we have at least one of those products alive."

I nod "I understand" I say and give him one of my most charming smiles. He relaxes a little, and points to a door. "She's in there. We have her on strict bed rest until the time comes for her to go into labor."

I nod again; thank him for the information and head on inside to visit the young woman.

Like the man had said Chloe was lying in the bed, a typical hospital bed propped up a little. She's hooked up to a hear monitor and has a blood pressure band wrapped around her arm, and an IV in her other arm with medicine dripping in slowly. She's wearing the typical birthmother frock, shapeless so as to make room for the ever-growing belly. Her hair is tied back, but several strands have come loose and are stuck to the nape of her neck or to her cheeks. She's breathing heavily, and I can tell she's been sweating. She's got a very concerned face, and her hand is on her swollen stomach. She jumps a little when I open the door, and quickly pulls her hand away. She looks up at me and smiles. Just as I thought, she is as pretty as she had been during our school days.

"Hello Chloe" I say, placing the clipboard on the desk by the door. I reach out and pump some soap on my hands and place them under the sink. Immediately the water begins to flow. "How are you feeling today?" I ask her.

"Alright" she says, she still has the same high but soft voice I remember. "Bored."

"I can gather," I say, trying to keep my voice as light as possible. Perhaps the man had been right, maybe she was unconcerned with her children. Or maybe she just wasn't very smart. She had never gotten very good marks in school. But I had always assumed she was just lazy. "What do they let you do in here all day?"

"Nothing" is Chloe's response "I sleep most of the time, but they are always interrupting me to check on me, they let Anna come visit me a while ago."

"Is Anna a friend or something?" I ask, drying my hands.

"Yes. Hey don't I know you from somewhere?"

I grab a pair of latex gloves and slip them on "We were in the same age group" I say.

"That's right. Your name was…Cael right? Number One in our group."

"Mhm"

"Are you finished with your training yet? I thought Doctors' training took longer…but what do I know? I'm just a birthmother." I think I hear a bit of bitterness in her voice as she says this. But maybe I imagined it.

"I'm still in training, but my mentor decided I could handle this by myself for a while" I turn to face her. She's touching her stomach again, but takes it away when she sees I'm looking. "They're kicking again" she explains, "I guess that's a good sign huh?"

I smile and nod "It means they are alive, which is a terrific sign, considering what happened this morning."

She nods slowly, looking at her stomach, as I watch she smiles a little, a wistful smile.

"Well Chloe, do you mind if I take a look?" I ask her.

"Go ahead" she says "Do want me to put my legs in the stirrups?" she nods to the two clamp like figures on either side of the bed.

"Not just yet" I tell her "But in a moment, yes." I pick the clipboard back up and check the heart monitor.

"Well, heartbeat and blood pressure are normal" I tell her, recording them down on the clipboard. "That's good."

She doesn't say anything, though she's watching me. "Are they still kicking?" I ask her. She nods. "Can I feel?"

She nods again. Touching is generally considered very rude outside of family units, so is glimpsing another's nakedness, so though my assignment calls me to do such things on a day to day basis, I'm still required to ask permission first every time. I reach my hand out and lay it across the area I know product's feet tend to be. Indeed I begin to feel the rapid, almost fluttering motion of two pairs of feet flailing against my hand.

"Good, so they're both alive still." I take my hand away and write down "Both kicking strongly" on the notes section.

Again Chloe doesn't respond. "Do you know how far along you are?" I ask her.

"Six months"

"Alright. Now put your legs in the stirrups will you?"

She does so, silently. She even pushes the stirrups so that her legs are splayed the correct distance.

"You're a bit of an expert at this aren't you?" I say with a chuckle. Pulling up a stool. Chloe shrugs.

"I've been doing this since I was fourteen, I know the drill."

"May I have a look?" I ask her.

"Have fun"

I push the smock up over her knees so that I can get a better view. I begin to feel around a little "Everything looks fine from the outside." I say to her. "You're dilated a little though."

"Yeah, well they apparently decided they wanted to come out this morning, so that would make sense."

"What happened this morning exactly?"

Chloe shrugged "How should I know?" she asks "Didn't the doctors tell you what happened?"

"Yes they did" I say "But I want to hear it from your point of view. After all you were the one who experienced it weren't you?"

I can tell that no one has asked her this before. She's clearly surprised. In fact I think she's at a loss of words. She just stares at me.

"Well?" I ask her.

"Well….I…umm….It started with stomach cramps, kind of like I get when I'm menstruating…do you know what that is?"

"Mhm"

"Yeah, it started like that. It startled me a little, I never had that happen with my other pregnancies, so I thought maybe it was a twin thing, so I asked Bianca if she knew what was going on, she's had twins twice now, but she said that is not at all typical. So we reported it to the matron. She took me to the exam room and that's when they discovered the blood. After that they knocked me out and when I came to they told me that I had almost miscarried again and that they were keeping me on bed rest to make sure it didn't happen again."

"So it was…cramps you said?"

"Yeah"

"Lucky for you these guys weren't dead already."

She makes a face, like I just frightened her. "Don't say that" she whispers to me "Don't talk about them dieing."

"I apologize" I say "I didn't know that it made you uncomfortable"

"I accept your apology" she mumbles "I know they think I don't really care about my products, we're not supposed to-

"But you do" I finish for her. She nods.

"We all do, to a degree."

I nod "That makes sense" I say "After all you're growing a living being for nine months inside of you, your going to want to make sure it's alright."

She sighs a little but doesn't say anything.

"I'm going inside now, is that okay?"

She nods.

Technically I've never really done this before, I'm not a gynecologist student, I specialize more in pediatrician, but doctors are required to know how to do just about everything short of major surgery (that was for specialists), so I had been trained on how to do it, practiced it even. I knew exactly what to do, but it's still a little awkward to actually do it.

She makes a little noise at first, but quickly restrains herself and instead concentrates on her stomach. I feel around, taking note of everything, but try to get it done as quickly as possible and pull out at the first chance.

"Feels good. Dilated, but I think your safe as long as you stay in bed."

"Ugg" she says. I chuckle.

"My mentor, Doctor Mekhi will be here in a little to double check my work."

"Is he as nice as you?" she asks, looking up.

That was not exactly the response I had been expecting. Normally patients just say "Okay" or "Thank-you". It really didn't matter what Mekhi's disposition was like, he was a doctor, he did a good job, he made people productive members of society again, that was all that mattered.

_I wonder. _

"He'll make sure that the babies arrive safely, on time."

She looks disappointed. "I see" she says.

"But I'll be coming to check on you regularly, so we'll see each other again."

She brightens a little "Good."

I smile at her "See you in a little bit Chloe"

"Alright" she says, "Bye Cael, it was good seeing you again."

When I leave her, she's feeling her stomach again, rubbing it actually, and she seems a little soothed…for the time being.

"How is the Birthmother situation?" Mekhi asks me over the phone a short while later.

"It's a Special Insemination case, so they are desperate to save the products. We can afford to loose the birthmother though, if necessary."

"We can always afford to loose Birthmothers" Mekhi says "They're just vessels. The products always take precedence over the birthmothers."

"Right" I say, watching as two young women, both of them clearly pregnant, enter into the lobby, giggling, and make their way to Chloe's room. _Her friends. _I think to myself. One of them seems to be a little older than myself, eighteen maybe. She's tall and despite the huge baby bump she's sporting, she's very slender. The other is much shorter, and a bit stockier too, and has curly hair, a rarity in the Community. Both glance at me as they pass but say nothing. I gather I should stop them, tell them that Chloe needs her rest and send them away, but I decide to let them go in. Chloe had seemed so lonely in that room. She deserved some company.

"Did she look alright to you?" Mekhi asks.

"She's dilated"

"By how much?"

"I didn't get exact measurements. Mekhi you know I'm not specialized for this. I take care of their health after they're born. Not while they are in the womb."

"Cael, you trained for this" Mekhi snaps "You're the top medical assistant we have, you've saved countless people before, you can handle a birthmother with a high risk pregnancy."

I sigh, "If you say so," I say. "Anyway she's dilated but not by much, two inches maybe? No signs that she'll go back into labor any time soon. They have her on strict bed rest till her due date. So I think that as long as we keep an eye on her, she'll be fine."

"Good" Mekhi replies "I don't think I'll be able to get down to the Birthing Unit for a while, this Braxton has it worse than I thought. We're going to have to go in again and put another metal plate in. So I'm trusting her to you. Take care of her till I can find the time to get over."

"Alright"

"I'll check in again when I have the time." He says and before I can say good-bye he hangs up. Typical.

With a sigh I dial another number and wait till I hear the familiar elderly voice say "Hello this Alethea how may I help you?"

I smile, I've always been fond of Alethea, she's been my father's attendant since I was a small child, she's getting a little old now, it won't be long until she joins the house of the old I think. They must be looking for a replacement now, probably among the current group of elevens. I'm going to miss hearing her voice though.

"Hi Alethea it's Cael" I say. There is a short pause on the other end. I gather she's probably confused. Rarely do children keep in touch with their parental units after they move out of the dwelling.

But my family unit has never been a typical family unit. Alethea should know that by now.

"Cael! It's been a while. What can I do for you?"

"Is Father in?"

"Yes he is"

"Can you put me through?"

Another pause "He's busy at the moment" she says at last "Can I leave a message?"

"Tell him his son wanted to know if he would want to have lunch with him"

"Right" Alethea responds "Just give me a moment Cael, I'll ask him right now."

I smile, good old Alethea. "Thank you"

There is a silence on the other end. I've been put on hold. The door to Chloe's room opens and the two girls slip out. I can hear the older one saying

"Don't worry, we'll come back first chance we get. And you're right, he is extremely cute."

They both smile at me as they pass. The curly haired girl mouths "Thank you" to me, obviously for not stopping them or turning them in. I cover the speaker with my hand "Can one of you stay here for a moment, I want to ask you question." I ask.

They both exchange nervous looks.

"Don't worry, you're not in trouble."

"I'll stay" the older one says, "You go on ahead Doreen"

"Are you sure?" the curly haired one, I guess her name was Doreen, asks. She looks at me quickly.

"I'm sure." The older one says "Tell Grace that Chloe's doing fine. You know how Grace worries."

Doreen gives me one last look, but does as the older tells her and slinks off. Or waddles is more accurate. The girl is extremely pregnant.

"Hello Cael?" Alethea is back on the line.

"Yes, I'm here" I say.

"He says that he can't today, but he'd more than glad to do so tomorrow."

"Alright then, tomorrow it is. Thank you Alethea."

"Your Welcome Cael, good-bye"

"Bye" I say and then hang up. The birthmother was standing there waiting for me. I turn toward her and give her a smile. She nods, but doesn't smile back.

"My name's Cael. I'm a doctor."

"I can see that" she says, pointing at my identification badge "I'm not that stupid."

"Didn't say you were" I reply "And your name is?"

"Anna. Not that it should really matter, after all I'm just a birthmother."

I frown; obviously this girl wasn't going to be friendly. Not that I blame her, birthmothers may get taken really good care of physically, but they also kind of get treated a little less than human by a lot of their caretakers. They are just human incubators for products as far as we are supposed to be concerned.

"Well to me it does matter Anna. I've been put in charge of your friend Chloe for a while, and it's my job to make sure that both she and her products make it through alive."

She snorts, "Please, your job is to make sure those babies get out alright. Chloe could die for all you care."

"That's not true." I say, "Chloe means just as much to me as those babies do. Get it?"

Anna shrugs "Whatever. What did you want to ask me? I'm almost late for my vitamins."

"Right. I just wanted to know. Does Chloe take the pills?"

"Which pill?" Anna asks, "We take lots of them."

"I know that" I grumble, "I meant THE pill, you know the stirrings pill."

"Oh" for the first time she smiles "No. None of us do. We're not allowed to. They put us on it in-between productions, but as soon as they want us for insemination they take us off it again."

"I thought so"

"Why does it matter to you?" Anna asks, looking at me curiously.

I smile "Just wondering" I say "Thank-you for your time Anna, you can go take your vitamins now."

She doesn't move though, she's still looking at me oddly, like I'm a puzzle to her. "You know they don't care about us" she says to me "To them we are just a means for getting a product."

"To me you are Birthmothers" I say "and that makes you humans. So I treat you as such."

She nods "Well…thank you"

"Your welcome"

She starts to leave, but stops and looks back at me

"Do you take the pills?" she asks me.

Our eyes meet. I see something click with her, her dark eyes widen slightly.

I smile pleasantly at her "I'd be breaking the rules, if I didn't, wouldn't I?"

She smiles back, and even gives a giggle "Right" she says, turns on her heel, and with a flounce of her hair, she's gone.


	2. Chapter 2

To be honest, I wasn't all that surprised that I had been assigned Birthmother; I was typical birthmother material, strong (or athletic really), not very studious, listened to directions pretty well, no real talents to speak of. I could take care of newchildren, I had done all four and a half years of my volunteer hours at the Nurturing Center, but I always knew I didn't have the right qualities to be a Nurturer; I was only drawn there because of the Nurturer Adam, who I had considered my best friend before my assignment. (funny thing is he probably has forgotten all about me by now, it's been five years since we've seen each other.) I had hoped, when I was younger, that it wouldn't matter that my aptitude for the assignment of Nurturer was pretty much non-existent, that the fact that I had volunteered all four years there would qualify me for the job. But it was silly for me to think such a thing, childish hopes that were dashed the second I walked up on that stage.

"Birthmother" the Chief Elder had announced, cementing my already expected disappointment. I had smiled, as we were all expected to, and shook her hand and took the folder with my assignment instructions and slunk back to my seat and sat down, there was no surprise to my assignment, but there had been no happiness in it either.

"Are you disappointed in me?" I had asked my parents that night as we sat down to our evening meal. My parents both have prestigious assignments; my father was an engineer in charge of designing buildings not just for this community but for neighboring communities as well. My mother was an instructor of Threes, in charge of the acquisition of language with emphasis on making sure youngsters knew the importance of correct, accurate language. I know they had both hoped for more from their eldest child.

But my mother looks up from helping my younger brother Alonzo eat his meal and smiles at me "Of course not Chloe" she had laughed "Why would we be?"

"Well" I say slowly, trying to find the correct way to word what I'm feeling. My mother had instilled in me (and already in my brother who was a Five) precision of language. If we didn't word things right, she'd correct us in this way that made us feel really guilty. Vocabulary had never been my strong point in school, so when speaking to mother I was always very careful about what I said. "You and father have such…respectable, honorable assignments…surely you would have wanted the same for me."

My father sighs, "Of course we did Chloe" he says "and stop poking your food, just eat it. It's not going to do you any good just sitting on that plate."

I look down at my plate; today's meal was various grains prepared in fish oil, not exactly my favorite. But my father won't let us get up and leave the table till we've finished every bite, so I gather up some on my fork and take a bite, grimacing as I do so. My mother decided to continue with our conversation.

"Birthmother is a very important job Chloe. I think it may be the most important! I mean without Birthmothers, where would the rest of us be? Nowhere, that's where!"

My father rolls his eyes "Really Alexandra" he says.

"What?" My mother asks, "Jeffery it's true!"

"Yes, but no need making it sound better than it really is" he told her "She's a birthmother. A future laborer, that's all."

"She'll be providing us with future new children Jeffery" she insists, "That's pretty important."

"But not at all honorable" my father snaps.

My mother falls silent. Not even she has a comeback for this. We eat in silence for a while. Then my father says.

"The Council knows best Chloe. They knew exactly what you would best be suited for."

Breeding. That's what I'm best suited for apparently. The thought doesn't really make me feel any better.

My mother changes the subject then, discussing some changes that are going to be made to the teaching system with the new group of threes coming in and I'm left to stew in my disappointment alone. Alonzo looks up at me some time later and smiles cheerfully, unaware really of the situation. I smile back at him; glad that someone's opinion of me is unchanged. I had always been fond of my younger brother, with his boundless energy and endless curiosity it was hard not too.

"Alonzo" my Mother says as she clears the table later "Would you like to go first tonight for sharing of feelings?"

The little boy seems mollified at the thought of getting to go first, something that rarely happens for him.

"Today I felt very happy" he says in his light, boyish voice. Even my father is smiling in amusement at him.

"And why is that?" he asks Alonzo.

"Because Chloe got her assignment" he says, bouncing a little in his seat "and so did my friend Rosemary's brother. Did you know that Chloe? Rosemary's brother is in your class." Alonzo has a habit of rambling, though like me he tries to use the best vocabulary he can.

I giggle, "No I didn't know that. Whose Rosemary's brother?"

"His Number was One. He was assigned Doctor."

"You mean Cael?"

"Uh-huh" Alonzo nods furiously. "Are you friends like Rosemary and I?"

I shake my head, I know Cael of course, everyone knew Cael. He was a quiet but happy male; he was at the top of our age group when it came to school. His father was the most honorable elder in the whole Community. The Receiver of Memory they called him, whatever that meant. Cael and I had been acquaintances at best, we might have spoken a handful of times, but we didn't have much in common with one another. He was intelligent and studious; I was lazy and hardly paid attention to my classes. I spent all my spare time in the Nurturing Center and he spent all of his free time in the Rehabilitation Center and Infirmary, we were both quiet and kept to ourselves a lot, so we had never really been friends at all. I had no idea that his sister was Alonzo's Rosemary. I'd only seen Rosemary a few times, a cheerful, giggling little female five, but I knew almost everything there was to know about the girl because she was all Alonzo talked about. The female was his best friend, they were always together it seemed.

"Rosemary was really glad about his assignment. I saw where she was sitting during the Ceremony" Alonzo is saying "So I was glad too."

Alonzo had very simple, straightforward feelings, most Fives did I guess.

"Thank-You Alonzo, for sharing" my father says with a nod "Alexandra?"

"I feel very accomplished" she says, "I have successfully raised one child" she flashes me a smile. I smile back at her. "I'm very proud of your accomplishments Chloe."

I want to ask, what accomplishments? But instead I just continue smiling and nod.

"Thank-you for sharing mother" I say the standard phrase "Father?"

Father reports that he feels the same as my mother. Then it's my turn.

There are a lot of things I could tell them I felt. Disappointment, Sadness, Embarrassment, maybe even a little Bitter. But instead I shrug when my mother asks me what I felt and gave them the same answer I'd pretty much been giving since I was a Ten "I feel Content" I say.

It was the first time I had ever spoken a lie.

Training to be a birthmother turned out to be laughingly easy. It started first with a change in school patterns. My classes, especially my academic courses like math and science and law, suddenly became a lot easier for me, in fact it kind of became a joke. Me and a girl by the name of Grace had been the only two in our year to be assigned Birthmother, so we were put with the other new Twelves that had been given laborious assignments (like my friend Elise who had gotten clothing production). Classes in nutrition and health were added to my schedules, and suddenly I was constantly being shoved outside for exercise and fresh-air and what not. It was during all that that I had made the acquaintance of some of my new friends, Yanima and Avery and Anna. We were all Birthmother's in training, though they had been assigned the year before me, and all three of them were due to finish their training soon, and it wasn't long until we were all bonding over our distaste of classes, and our love for exercise and musing over what life as a birthmother would be like. Special vitamins had been added to my pill-taking regimen and my diet was suddenly being adjusted and monitored more heavily than before. I was even getting different meals from my Family Unit and other non-birthmother friends.

"They are heavier in the vitamins and nutrition that we are going to need" Anna had told us one afternoon. She's the oldest of us here; her Number had been eight, making her the eighth new child born her year, and therefore the oldest. And from what we all could tell it wouldn't be long till they called her to the Birthing Unit and finished off her last few months of training. She was a tall, slender female with pleasant features, including a rather lovely smile. Not that Anna smiled much. Unlike the rest of us, who had pretty much accepted the idea that we were Birthmothers, Anna still resented her assignment, though I guess I could understand why. Anna being birthmother had sort of surprised all of us. Unlike the rest of us Anna had made great marks all throughout school, she was a top student and was a very intelligent female. And unlike most of us, Anna had the aptitude for other occupations. She had spent a lot of her volunteer hours, like me, in the Nurturing Center. I had watched her from time to time, though she liked to Volunteer in the rooms with the smallest new children, while I had preferred to be in the rooms with the new children that could sit up by themselves already and make little babbling noises and were starting to develop dispositions. I had noted the skill she had with the infants, she could feed them and change them and comfort them when they got fussy just as well as most of the Nurturers themselves. Why the council had decided she was better fit to breed baffled me.

_But the Council knows best what we are suited for. _I remind myself.

"Well it's one change I'm not complaining about" laughs Avery, spooning up more of the soup we've been allotted today. Anna and I exchange eye rolls, Avery could probably afford to miss a few meals, she's starting to…fill out…as Grace had put it yesterday.

The weeks and months continued to pass, Anna was pulled out of school as we had gathered. She would have another five months of training left, and then she'd be inseminated, we were told.

My body started to get examined for my years of production. I was tested and checked and touched in places I had never been tested or checked or touched before. I began to learn things about my body that other girls didn't. At first I shared some of what I learned with Elise, but the girl was completely uninterested with my training and so I quickly learned to only share the information I picked up with the other birthmothers.

Avery and Yanima were called to the Birthing Unit and so it was just Grace and I for a while. Another Ceremony passed, and we got three new Birthmothers, Aaliyah, Estella and Mirada. We bonded over the same things we had bonded with the others over.

Finally a year and a half after I had received my assignment as Birthmother I was called to the Birthing Unit. Grace and I were called at the same time, and we both had headed down to the Unit from our School together. I had said good-bye to Elise, who would be finishing her own schooling soon, and wished the other birthmothers-in-training good luck. I had said my good-byes to my parental unit and younger brother that morning. My father had seemed kind of glad to be rid of me. My mother and Alonzo however had both been upset to see me leaving them forever. We were destined to become strangers to each other now.

Moving around in the Community wasn't difficult. We owned nothing, our clothing was distributed and laundered by the central clothing supply, and they had already taken my schoolbooks and my bicycle.

We were met by a woman named Tamar who had shown us to our assigned rooms in the dormitories, the rooms held little more than a bed and a dresser. Four dorm rooms were connected to a small recreation room and Restroom that the birthmothers assigned would share. I was assigned with Grace, Anna and our matron Ella.

I had a few weeks to settle in, to adjust to the rather lax schedule the Birthmothers were expected to follow. I spent most this time with Grace, enjoying the last few weeks of freedom we would have for several years. While we were adjusting we were still allowed to leave the Unit and visit other places. Because I had spent so much time at the Nurturing Center and Grace had done most of her volunteering at the fish hatchery we had both decided to go visit all the places we hadn't before. I got a tour of the House of the Old, the Law and Justice Buildings, the Bicycle Repair Shop (though it took us forever to find it), The Fish Hatchery, The Clothing Supply Buildings, The Infirmary, The Rehabilitation Center, and finally we stopped by the Nurturing Center where I had said good-bye to many of the Nurturers, including Adam. The young man had grinned when he saw me poke my head in his room.

"Well look who came to visit" he had laughed. "I was beginning to think you had forgotten me."

" As if that's even possible" I had joked "I'm just coming to say good-bye"

"Good-bye?" Adam asked, his smile disappearing and a look of concern replacing it. "Why? What's happening?"

"I've been moved into the Birthmother Dormitory" I explained to him "I only have a week or two till they confine me to the Unit for the next few years."

"Oh yeah" Adam says, hitting himself lightly on the head "I forgot your assignment was birthmother." He spots Grace standing nervously behind me, peeking at the newchildren curiously. "Whose that?" he asks, pointing to her.

"My friend Grace" I say, "She's a Birthmother too."

"Hello" Grace says politely.

"Hello" Adam answers, giving Grace a smile. "Well Chloe, would you like to hold one last newchild? For old times sakes?"

"Would I ever" I say excitedly, and immediately hold my arms out expectantly. I've always had a soft spot for newchildren. Their chubby cheeks and big eyes and the gurgling noises they make, they are terribly cute.

Adam reaches into one of the beds and pulls out a content looking youngster. "This is Number Twenty," he tells me "It's a female, lovely disposition too" he puts the infant in my arms.

"Hello Number Twenty" I say in my special new-child voice. Adam had taught me how to speak with this voice; apparently the newchildren reacted to it better. This little female, Number Twenty, looks up at me with wide dark eyes. "Aren't you a good girl" I coo "Not even a peep"

"They've just been fed" Adam explains. I chuckle.

"Ahh. Come here Grace, come look at her."

Grace stands behind me and looks over my shoulder at the infant. She smiles a little, but she's not very interested in new children I think.

I eventually hand Number Twenty back to Adam and take my leave. We'd be due back at the Birthing Unit soon, for our mid-day vitamins and exercise session. Later Grace would have another examination. They are thinking about inseminating her soon. Adam waves as we exit "Good to see you again Chloe. Promise you won't forget me?"

"I promise" I call over my shoulder. "Promise you won't forget me?"

"I promise" Adam says, smiling.

But I bet you he has.

After I was settled in, my confinement began and my training continued. More health and nutrition classes, anatomy and physiology were taught to me too. They were trying to regulate my menstrual periods, and once again they were absolutely obsessed with my body's physical condition. Months passed, Grace was inseminated, Anna too.

Another Ceremony came, I asked for permission to go (non producing birthmothers were usually allowed), but to my surprise my request was denied. I was wanted here. I did a calculation in my head, this meant Grace and I were now fourteen.

The day after the Ceremony I was called for Insemination. It took with no problem, and a month later I was declared a vessel. We had all held a little celebration in our dorm rec room before our matron had ordered us to bed. We were all vessels now. Even Anna seemed more pleased than usual.

My nine months had gone smoothly, I was required to sit through countless classes again, was shown numerous diagrams and graphs and were given many, many instructions. Not exactly thrilling, but it was better than sitting around doing nothing.

We were fed well, taken good care of, physically, as well. It was obvious though that the caretakers thought us below them, they treated us like we were nothing, and snapped at us a lot. We soon learned to rely on each other to help us through the nine-month production process, and turned to our caretakers as little as possible.

Grace has her newchild first, Number Eleven, a female. Technically we are not supposed to know all of this. Birthmothers don't even get to see their products, but it's not that hard to cheat around here. Some of us aren't as dumb they think we are, we can keep track of who gets inseminated, when and keep track of numbers that way. Others of us have figured out how to get glimpses at the Products as they are being taken away. They keep a blindfold over your eyes while you're in labor, but if you act as uninterested in the product as possible over the nine months your carrying it, they will sometimes take the blindfold off before they take the baby away, you can act more like your interested in getting some rest after the process, turn your head in the right direction and see your newchild. The Birthmothers who get to go to the Ceremony are always hounded by the others telling them the numbers of their products and asking them to find out what they were named. We do it all in secret of course, the caretakers would all punish us severely if they found out. But a plus side to being thought of as "simple-minded" was that you got ignored a lot of the time.

Anna's newchild came next, Number thirty-three, a male. She was extremely proud of that, she had wanted really wanted a male. "That way I can be sure that at least he won't end up a Birthmother" she had spat when we had asked one evening.

Finally it was my turn. They called me to the Birthing Room, laid me on a bed, started me on an IV, and waited. It didn't take long, within minutes I was experiencing what I had been taught were contractions. At first it felt similar to the cramps I had felt during my menstruation, but they got progressively worse. After a while they tied my hands to the side of my bed and clamped a mask over my face. "Here we go" I heard someone say. I screamed a lot that first time, the pain had been nearly unbearable, I almost blacked out from it. But I clenched my teeth and fought through it, and five and a half hours later I heard the tiny wails of a newchild.

"Very good Chloe" a woman spoke to me. "You did very well."

"Thanks" I mumble, exhausted. I feel hands untying the mask. I yawn, as I had practiced I would. I see the doctors trying to get the infant out of the room. I turn my head as Anna had instructed me.

I see her, Number Forty-eight. She's pink, and covered in blood and mucus, she only has a few tufts of dark hair on top of her tiny head. She's wailing and flailing about in the doctor's arms.

She was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen in my life.

As expected the next couple weeks I'm in agony. The pain doesn't end after labor I discovered. I can't even walk for a while it hurts so much, they put me in a recovery ward for a while, the Birthmother Lola is there too and soon after me another, Phoebe joins us. We entertain each other mostly, the nurses and attendants come in every now and then to check on our physical well being, but they hardly talk to us.

After the pain recedes I'm returned to the Dormitories, where Anna and Grace are waiting for me excitedly. We exchange stories with one another about the experiences. And they are thrilled to hear that I got to see the Product.

That Ceremony, Anna and I are once again kept in the Dorms, being prepared for another insemination, but Grace is allowed to go and we tell her to keep an eye out for our products, Number 33 and Number 48. She returns with their names, Parker and Aimee. "Mine was named Claire" she says, getting a wistful look in her eye.

I was given six months to recover, and then they called me back in for another insemination. This time I was the first out of our group. The sixth birthmother to get inseminated for that year's batch, Grace was skipped over that year, her body wasn't going to be ready for a while, but Anna was inseminated with what would be the Twenty-Fifth newchild.

My second labor hadn't been as painful as the first, and it hadn't lasted nearly as long. Again they untied the mask and I turned my head and got a glimpse of the newchild.

Another female. Another perfect female.

They started to pay more attention to me, the caretakers did. Which bothered me, since it meant I had to pay more attention to the rules. They started calling me in for "special" examinations. It was like being in training again. They were touching me and testing me, it seemed to me that they were looking for something.

"Well she's not going to be ready for a while yet" my primary physician, her name was Twyla, had said during one exam. "I'm guessing at least another six months. If they are serious about using her for this than I would give her a year, just to make sure."

So I was given a year to recover. I was allowed to go to the Ceremony (I was sixteen now, I calculate), and Anna makes me promise to report to her the name of her newchild. I sit beside Bianca and together we take note of our friends' products as they are marched up to the stage and given names and family units. I see my little female, Number 6, see her taken up the steps to an eager family unit, complete with a young male already, and given the name Delilah. I then saw Anna's little male, Number Twenty-five given to a childless couple, and named Zebedee. Bianca and I had made a face over the name, but we both later agreed that the boy himself was adorable.

My year of recovery passes; we receive another dorm-mate, Doreen. She's a short stocky little thing with curly hair and a great sense of humor. Grace has her second product, Number Three, a male. I'm watched and observed and examined. Finally they decide that I'm "what they are looking for". What they are looking for though, I have no clue.


	3. Chapter 3

"How do you even stand it?" Anna asks me one day. I've been stuck on bed rest for a month now, meaning that I had to be at least seven months along in my production. Anna and Doreen visit me often, sometimes on official, approved visits, other times they sneak in here when they know Cael's on duty. Cael lets them come in, he doesn't like that they keep me so separated from the others. I wish they would let him watch me more often, he's nicer than the others, and will sometimes come in and pull up a stool just to talk to me, which is more than any of the other doctors have ever done.

"How do I stand what?" I reply, watching Doreen as she marvels over the IV they've set up for me. She hasn't seen an IV before, and I can tell that she doesn't know what to make of it.

"Being stuck in here all day" Anna clarifies. She picks up a reader and clicks it on, Cael had brought to me for some reading, on it was one of the newest doctor procedurals, nothing exciting, but it beat doing nothing.

"Oh" I shrug "It's alright. I sleep a lot, and I read that sometimes. And you guys come in here a lot so I'm not all alone."

"But it seems so boring" Anna grumbles, clicking the reader off and tossing it lightly back onto the table by my bed.

"You get used to it." I tell her "Doreen don't touch that"

The girl had been tapping on the clamp on the IV trying to get it to cut off my medicine. She jumps a little at my voice, and pulls her hand away. Anna giggles.

"Typical Dory"

Doreen gives an embarrassed grin. She's younger than Anna and I, around fourteen or maybe fifteen. She looked like a ten though, with her round cheeks and big dark eyes. We all adore her; she's a laugh to be around. Already she was well established in our group, the birthmothers that were sort of in charge of everyone else. We were the oldest now (with the exception of Doreen) and were on our last products. The others looked up to and admired us, and would listen to what we told them. In our dormitories we were the Matrons, we gave the orders, it was nice.

"So how is the gang?" I ask them. Anna settles herself on the edge of the bed beside me.

"Alright" she says "Grace is sure that we are going to lose you any day now, you know how she is. Everything is a calamity waiting to happen-

"Calamity?" Doreen asks, cocking her head to the side. Anna and I sigh; Doreen is horrible when it comes to language. You can't use "big words" around her. I don't think that she is very smart. It wasn't hard to see why she got birthmother.

"It means disaster Dory. Grace is always thinking something bad is going to happen."

Doreen nods to show her understanding.

"Anyway" Anna continues, "Other than that, not much has changed. Corinne got inseminated, so they have all fifty now."

"Ahh, so they picked Corinne? Moria must have been upset about that. She was hoping they'd pick her."

"Yeah well, we both knew they wouldn't. Moria's not ready for another product so soon."

"Well yeah, but I also know how desperately Moria wants to get out of here."

"I don't blame her" Anna grumbles, "I'm really glad this is my last product."

"Does anyone know what Moria wants after Birthmother?" Doreen asks.

"I think she said something about Food Distribution" Anna replies, she touches her belly and makes a face "Ugg, this product sure does kick a lot."

Doreen laughs "Please, if I could just get this one to stop moving around for a minute!" she pats her stomach lightly "You're a jumpy little thing aren't you?" she coos to her stomach.

"How far along are you anyway Dory?" I ask the girl, eyeing her huge belly. She had been one of the first birthmothers picked for insemination. Claudia had already had her product, the first of the year, last month before I had been put on bed rest, so Doreen had to be due soon.

"They have me scheduled for next week. I've been assigned to Doctor Xavier and his team." She says, beaming. Anna and I look at her curiously.

"How do you know who they assigned you too?" Anna asks, "Is that a new procedure of something? They've never told us till the morning of."

Doreen shakes her head "They didn't tell me" she says "Cael had the schedule this morning and he showed me."

Immediately Anna grins "Isn't he great? I wish they would assign him here permanently."

"Wait a minute" I say, arching my eyebrows at my friend questioningly "Are you telling me that you actually _approve _of a _doctor_?"

Anna gets flustered, she glances down at her hands, which are resting in her lap, and her cheeks darken subtly. "Cael's not like the other doctors" she says softly.

"He sure is nicer" Doreen agrees, sinking down on a stool. "Yesterday I was making my way to the exercise room and he stopped me to ask me how I felt."

"All doctors ask _that_." I snort. But the girl shakes her head furiously.

"No, he wanted to know how _I _was feeling. Not how my body was holding up."

"He was talking about emotions?" I ask. Doreen shrugs.

"If emotions mean feelings."

I nod, looking over at Anna. Normally my friend would have teased Doreen for her lack of vocabulary, but instead I find that Anna isn't really even listening. She's frowning, which isn't unusual for her, and she's got a thoughtful, somewhat worried expression on her face.

"Anna?" I ask. She looks over at me.

"Mhm?"

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah I'm fine."

"Is your product still moving?" Doreen asks.

"No, it's stopped for now." Anna replies "Hey, how active are your products Chloe?"

I frown, Anna's hiding something, I can tell. But I know from experience that pushing her will get you nowhere. Anna's a stubborn woman; you can't make her do anything that she doesn't want to do.

"Well, one of them wiggles around and stretches almost all the time" I tell them "The other one is relatively still, but it squirms every now and then."

"Is it weird?" Doreen asks "Having two products in you?"

"At first it did" I admit "Especially when they first started moving around. But I'm used to it." I lower my voice and add, "One of them will be bossier than the other I think, because it seems to like pushing the other.

Anna and Doreen both giggle.

"Kind of sounds like someone we know" Doreen quips up "right Anna?"

Anna snorts and rolls her eyes "I'm not bossy" she insists.

"You are too"

"Whatever"

I grin and glance at my bulging belly proudly. "They are both strong products. My body tried to get rid of them twice, but they held on!"

"You're lucky" Anna shrugs "The doctors lack compassion-

"Compassion?" Doreen asks.

"Means they aren't very nice to us, or care about us"

"Ah"

"But they sure are efficient"

"Efficient?"

"Good at their job" I explain.

"They knew exactly what to do when you started the miscarriages." Anna finishes. I nod, and then shudder, thinking about what could have happened if the doctors hadn't been so well trained.

"I'm glad that they cared so much about the Products. I mean remember when Sylvia miscarried last year? They just let the product come, it was stillborn when they pulled it out."

"And they decertified Sylvia" Doreen adds, "I remember how upset she was."

"She wasn't upset about being decertified" Anna clarifies "She was upset about losing the product."

"I knew that" Doreen grumbles "No one gets upset about being decertified."

"But what I want to know" I interrupt "is why everyone is so determined to make sure these products" I point to my stomach "stay alive."

"Well you said that they've been treating you weird for a while now" Anna points out.

"For around a year"

"So you must be carrying special products."

"All products are special"

Anna gives me a look "I know that, I mean a product that _they_ consider special or something."

"Oh" I look down at my bulge "I wonder what-

"Girls?" Cael pokes his head into the room. Immediately Anna gets up from her spot on the bed.

"Yes?"

Cael points at his watch "Doctor Mekhi will be here shortly to examine Chloe."

It's Cael's polite way of telling Anna and Doreen to clear out. Though he was pretty lax on the girls visiting me, the other doctors tried to keep me as secluded as possible. If they found out that the girls visited as much as they did, and that Cael let them, we'd probably all be in trouble. So whenever Cael had an advance warning he'd always tell us.

"Right" Anna says, "We were just leaving anyway" she looks over at me and gives a smile "Take care of yourself Chloe. Alright?"

"Sure thing Anna. Tell Grace not to worry to much about me alright?"

Anna and Doreen both nod, and then with a small farewell gesture they slip out of the room.

I can't help but notice the way Cael and Anna look at each other. It's a knowing look, a shared secret kind of look. Anna even smiles a little at Cael.

_What is going on with those two? _I find myself wondering. Anna's not one to keep secrets from me, and yet here she was…. exchanging looks with Cael like they had a secret. It unnerves me.

As if it knows that I'm nervous one of the products starts flailing around. They pick the worst times to get active.

"Stop that" I tell them "Go back to sleep"

"Excuse me?" Cael asks, confused. I'm surprised to find he's still there in the room, checking my monitors.

"I was talking to them" I explain, motioning to my stomach "One just started moving around."

Cael chuckles "Does it get annoying? With them moving around?"

"Sometimes" I say "Especially at night, when I just want some sleep, but they decided its play time or something."

Cael makes a face; as if the thought doesn't appeal to him at all "To be perfectly honest" he tells me "newchildren baffle me. I never know what to make of them."

"But you're a pediatrician"

"Yeah but we normally don't get them till after they are assigned to their family units. The younger ones have their own special doctors. Are you pretty comfortable?"

I stare at him. Anna's right of course, Cael's not like the other doctors. My vague memories of him tell me that he's always been a nice male. Shy, or at least not overly sociable, but always smiling, and always polite, the few conversations we had had were pleasant ones about things like our homework and comparing what our volunteer hours were like. He had been nice, but not necessarily different. At least from what I could tell. He had been just like every other boy from my age group.

What about him had changed? I can't say what, but something IS different. I can see it but I can't describe it. He suddenly has a quality that wasn't there before.

It wasn't a physical quality; he looked a lot like he did when we had last seen each other. Same dark neatly trimmed hair, same bright eyes and friendly smile. He has always been relatively tall for his age, and he had always been a bit on the skinny side. Of course he looked older, but most of his traits were unchanged.

So it wasn't his physical being, it was something else…something…. but what?

I wish I was clever like Anna. 

"Why can't you examine me?" I ask. Cael looks up from his clipboard at me in surprise.

"Because I'm still an assistant. Mekhi's more suited for this." He replies.

He was nicer, Doreen spoke the truth, but in so many ways I think he's just like the rest of them. Emotion wasn't a part of his life; efficiency meant everything to these people. It had been to me too I guess, when I had been on the pill.

"But he's so rough" I complain "He just shoves his hand in there with no thought to my comfort. It's already awkward enough for me without him roughing around in there."

Cael laughs "I'll request he be gentler with you" he says, and begins to write something down on his clipboard.

The flailing product must have woken the other one because suddenly it jumps and then begins wriggle like its twin.

"Now they are both moving" I laugh "Great"

Cael looks at my swollen stomach "Mind if I feel?" he asks.

It's amusing how they always ask about the touching. Like we're allowed to refuse them. Besides after a while touching fails to be rude to us. Birthmothers never thought twice about touching each other's stomachs to feel the products move, or about reaching out to pat a hand comfortingly or squeezing a shoulder affectionately. Some boundaries weren't to be crossed of course, hugging was off limits to anyone who wasn't part of your family unit, but we were quite comfortable with casual contact.

"Go ahead" I tell Cael. The man grins, puts his clipboard down, and approaches me. His touch is rather light as he places his hand nervously across my taught stomach.

"You're not going to feel anything that way" I tell him "You got really put your hand down"

The pressure increases slightly on my stomach. The products movements become more frantic. When I look up Cael's smiling…and he had an odd look in his eyes. After a moment he takes his hand away. "Well" he says, shaking his head "They're alive then" he picks the clipboard back up and writes something down.

I sigh, disappointed. For a moment I had thought that maybe…

"Ahh Cael, glad to see you here" Mekhi breezes in the room, his hand already outstretched for the clipboard. Cael gives an embarrassed smile, like he's been caught breaking a rule, and hands it to him. The older man barely glances at it before he tosses it back to his assistant. "Vitals all good?" he asks.

"Yes" Cael says, nodding.

"Good" Mekhi turns to the sink and begins washing his hands "Chloe, you want to put your legs in the stirrups?"

I do as I'm instructed. Cael turns back to studying the monitors. I can't say for sure but I think that it makes him uncomfortable, seeing those parts of me.

Mekhi on the other hand doesn't even bat an eyelash as he begins to examine me. "Not dilated" he says to Cael "Not dilated at all"

Cael nods and makes a note of it in on his clipboard. Something I've noticed is that Cael mouths words as he writes them when Mekhi's around. It's something else about him I find amusing.

"Everything's pretty good down here" Mekhi says, pulling out. "Bed rest is doing her good"

"It's filling me out is what it's doing" I complain, "Can I least go for a walk?"

Cael makes an odd noise, but Mekhi decides to ignore me. "Keep giving her this" he's pointing to something on the clipboard "every half hour. And check-ups every fifteen minutes, you understand?"

"Yeah" Cael replies.

"Good. She's looking good, though she's right; she's getting a little heavier. I'd let her walk around in the lobby a little. Five minutes maybe?"

"Five minutes?" I pout. Mekhi doesn't even look at me.

"And from now on I want sonograms every other day. I want to keep a close eye on these products. Test results show they are EXACTLY what they are looking for." He doesn't even say goodbye as he breezes out the door.

"Good riddance to you too" I mumble. Cael gives a wry smile.

"Hush you" he teases "He's a good doctor, he's going to get you through this."

"It's not me I'm worried about" I tell Cael. Cael nods.

"The products too" he adds. "You want to go for a walk?"

"I think I've forgotten how to."

"Ha, ha" Cael rolls his eyes. "Come on. Up you go" he offers me a hand and when I take it, he helps me up. It's been nearly a month since I've been on my feet. I feel weird, and the room kind of spins. I sway and lean on Cael for support.

"You alright?" Cael asks.

"I think so"

"Here hold on to me"

I do so; inside of me the products have begun to kick. "That's not helping" I tease them, poking at my belly.

"Still moving?"

"They don't ever stop!"

Cael smiles, but says nothing as he leads me out into the lobby.

"Cael?"

"Yes?"

"What's so special about these products?" I ask him "Why does everybody want them so badly?"

Cael frowns "I'm not allowed to say Chloe" he says in an oddly solemn voice.

"Your also not allowed to let Anna and Doreen in my room."

"It's bigger than letting your friends slip by." He begins to lead me around the room "If I told you and they found out then I may be released."

"Oh" as much as he baffles me, the thought of Cael being released bothers me. People who are released are never seen again. Out of all of the doctors I've had, Cael's been the most attentive and caring to me and my products. I don't want him to be taken from me on account of something I made him do.

We walk in silence for a while, and then Cael says, "I saw your last sonogram pictures."

"Do they look good?" I ask. He nods.

"They're males."

I stop walking "Huh?"

He smiles at me; his voice is very quiet "The products. They are males."

"Males" I mutter, my hand immediately reaches up to feel my stomach. Inside my products, my males, are still moving about. One's punching now. "I'm having males?"

Cael nods "But you didn't hear it from me."

I grin. "I understand."

He leads me back into the room and helps me back into the bed, tucking me in and arranging the pillows so that I was comfortable.

"So, males?" I say. He nods.

"Males"

"I've never had males before. My last products were females" immediately I clamp my hand over my mouth in horror. _Idiot!_ I think to myself _Why did you say that_? I've just revealed the biggest secret of being a birthmother, that we usually knew that gender of our products. What was Cael going to do? Would he turn me in? He was a nice guy, but he was still one of them. Surely he would realize what a huge breech in rules this was and hand me over to the elders for release.

But instead Cael only nods "I saw on the clipboard" he says, he notices my expression "Are you alright?"

"You can't tell anyone I said that alright?" I whisper harshly.

"Said what?"

"About my products being female."

He only shrugs "See you in a little Chloe" then he picks up the clipboard, makes a note, and leaves me.

He's an odd one, that Cael.


	4. Chapter 4

I was fourteen when I stopped taking the pills. I can still remember the day I decided to throw it out instead of swallow it, like I had been doing since I was eleven. I was standing at the counter, the pill in hand; a glass of water was poured and waiting. I was staring at the tiny little caplet in my open palm, trying to figure out what was in it. We'd been studying the make-up of medications recently in one of my classes, and I was trying to figure out what was in this pill that gave it the effect that it did. The fact that when I took it, almost immediately I was submerged into an almost immediate calmness…no not that wasn't the word…. it wasn't calmness…though that was probably what I had thought it was then…I knew now that we were all but drained completely of emotions. They told us that the pills were solely for The Stirrings, pleasurable feelings and urges that sometimes manifest themselves in dreams, but I knew that there was more to it. Even then at fourteen I had learned to question everything, I think I get it from Father, he's always been critical, of the Elders, of his Attendant, especially of his family unit. I had watched him my whole life, fascinated by him and by his selection, which was always shrouded in mystery, and I knew that he was bitter with me and with my sister and his spouse and everyone he came into contact with. He was bitter and frustrated and had given up on us. Then, I had no clue why he disliked me so much, now I knew, he was angry that we didn't feel. Not like how he did, our feelings were shallow, mild variations of the empty content-ness that the pills force you into. We become barely human on those pills, but we don't know any different, when you're on that pill you don't even care that you've become less than human.

That's what the pill was. It didn't just rob you of your stirrings; it robbed you of everything, so that all that was left was this odd sense of complacent ness. I hadn't quite figured that out at fourteen, but I knew that something wasn't right, something about this tiny pill had thrown me into something that I wasn't. And so I stood there at that counter staring at the pill, trying to figure out its inner workings, and suddenly a thought came to me. What if I simply don't take it?

The thought is ridiculous of course, it's clearly against the law not to take the pill once you start, and yet…how would they know? I could be sneaky about it.

"You can stare at the pill all day Cael" My father's voice makes me jump a little "But it's not going do anything unless you take it."

"I know" I had replied, watching my father open a cabinet and pull out the bottle. He unscrews the cap and gets a pill out. "I was just wondering what's in this pill that gives it its desired effect."

"Of course you are" my father retorts, I can't help but note the sarcastic tone he uses. As if he's mocking me "Cael always wants to know how things work. They chose well for you when they chose Doctor."

I can't tell if this is an insult or a compliment, so I don't say anything. I pretend to turn my attention back to the pill. Instead however I'm really watching father. He takes my cup of water, sips from it, and puts his hand to his mouth, swallows, and then leans over the garbage disposal. If I hadn't been looking for it, I wouldn't have seen it fall into the disposal from his hand.

My father didn't take the pill.

He turns back to me "But seriously son, take that pill, or your mother's going to have a heart attack."

"That's impossible father." I point out "My own independent choices do not affect mother's health."

My father rolls his eyes at me "Thanks Cael" he says "I didn't already know that."

"Your welcome"

My father makes this weird noise that he sometimes does and ambles away out of the room. Once I'm sure he can't see me, I copy his motions.

It was a spur of the moment thing; I put my hand to my mouth, pretended to swallow my pill, then turned and tossed it into the garbage disposal. As I'm putting the bottle away my mother comes in, holding my sister's jacket in hand. My sister, Rosemary, is following closely behind.

"Did you take your pill Cael?" my mother asks me. She's a nervous woman, even on the pill; she still reminds me every morning to take my pill even though I've been doing it faithfully for the past three years.

"Yes mother" I say, putting the bottle back in the cabinet.

It's the first time I ever speak a lie.

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"Cael! Cael is that you?" I grin at the sound of my sister's voice and immediately break on my bike, waiting for her.

Rosemary and I have always been close. Most brother and sisters are when they are living together, but once the older moves out of the dwelling they tend to drift apart. With no real emotions to bond people together, people tend to forget relationships easily. By the time a person got to be my age they may have forgotten all about their sibling and parental unit. The only time they would really see each other would be at public meetings. But not Rosemary and I, our bonds with each other have grown stronger with the years, progressed instead of regressed. I couldn't explain to anyone what drove me and Rosemary to continue our sibling relationship when most others had crumbled away; there had always just been an innate pull to each other that we had always felt. From the moment I had first seen her, when they had handed her to my mother at the Ceremony of One and the speaker had called out "Number Thirty-One, Rosemary", my sister had probably been the most important person in my life.

The girl catches up to me, braking her own bike beside me. She had been an eight then when I had moved out, still a young girl, with a gap in her big wide smile and a mischievous look in her surprisingly pale eyes. She's older now, a ten, and not as childish as I remember. Her light hair now has the adult short haircut that all girls get when they become a ten and she's no longer wearing jackets. There is something else to…. something about her odd eyes….I can't name it though.

"Hello Rose" I greet "Did you just get out of school or something?"

Rosemary nods "Uh-huh, me and Alonzo are heading to the House of the Old to do some Volunteer hours."

"Really? I'm heading to the House of the Old myself." I say "Why don't we go together?"

"Sure" Rosemary grins "But why are you going to the House of the Old? Are you a doctor for the elderly now?"

I laugh "No, I'm still a Pediatrician, I'm actually going to visit Father."

"Oh, that makes more sense" Rosemary laughs, "Hold on let me get Alonzo" she turns around and shouts the boy's name. Alonzo and Rosemary were one number apart and they couldn't be closer as far as friends go. They had been doing everything together since they were toddlers. I look back at the boy pedaling up to us, eyeing me with curiosity. While I've done pretty well with keeping up with my sister, I haven't seen Alonzo since he was a Five. The boy has definitely grown since then; he was extremely tall for his age. He gives me a pleasant smile when he reaches us.

"Hello Cael" he says, reading my identification badge. The one that reads "Cael, Medical Assistant, Pediatrics." His own identification badge reads "Alonzo, Number 30-10", the same style that all students wore. Rosemary had one as well, though I notice (with satisfaction) that it's crooked, and I had had one, during my school days.

"Hello Alonzo" I say politely. Rosemary turns to him excitedly "Cael's going to ride with us to the House of the Old."

"Alright" Alonzo replies, though he looks a little confused still. Obviously he thinks it's strange for Rosemary and I to still be associating as brother and sister. He doesn't say anything however; to do so might be considered rude, because it would be pointing out something about us that was different. Though not against any rule, being rude was something one simply didn't try to be. So Alonzo keeps his mouth shut and rides along side Rosemary and I to the House of the Old.

"So Cael" Rosemary says, "How's that Birthmother that you care for?"

"She's doing good," I tell her "She'll be induced in a month or two".

"That's good" is Rosemary's reply "That poor girl must be so bored, forced to lie around in a bed all day."

"But it's for her own good" Alonzo points out. Rosemary rolls her eyes "I know that Al" she says "But that doesn't mean she won't be bored."

I chuckle; Rosemary hasn't changed at all since our childhood days. She's always been like me, interested in the emotional inner workings of a person, and not so much about their physiological needs. Instead of just accepting that something was a rule, she wanted to know _why _it was a rule. I can remember when she had been a seven; I was just about to move out of the dwelling into the Medical Dormitories. Our family unit was sitting around the table, eating and exchanging pleasantries when suddenly Rosemary, who had been quiet the whole time, suddenly asked "Why is it against the rules to see someone naked?"

The silence that had come afterward had been sort of awkward. My mother dropped her fork and it made a clanking noise against the plate. My father looked up from his plate and gave Rosemary this look, a look he was always giving her. Like he was studying her, trying to figure her out.

"Because it's extremely rude" my mother replies with at last. She works in Law and Justice, and therefore is well versed in the rules. "Eat your carrots Rosemary"

"I hate carrots" Rosemary grumbles "but mother, why is it rude?"

My mother gives a dramatic sigh "Gowyr" she says, looking over at my father.

My father chuckles "It's rude because it makes the other person feel uncomfortable Little Rose" he says, calling my sister by his nickname for her. I never got one, but that was fine, I think nicknames are embarrassing.

Rosemary makes a face "It didn't feel uncomfortable to me" she says. My mother lets out a little eep and drops her fork again.

"You all right Cordelia?" my father asks her.

"I'm fine" she says waving her hand dismissively "Rosemary what do you mean you weren't uncomfortable?"

"Did someone see you naked?" I add. Rosemary nods.

"We were changing out of our swim clothes today after our swim lessons, and I wasn't paying attention and Alonzo and I saw each other without our shirts on."

"Oh no" my mother gasps, but Rosemary only shrugs.

"It's wasn't that bad. I felt fine, we said the standard apology to each other so we didn't really break a rule, but I wasn't uncomfortable. I felt fine actually."

"I never felt uncomfortable either" I admit to her. She looks over at me curiously.

"You saw someone naked?"

"Sure did" I say grinning "I was an eleven and we were changing out of recreational clothes into our tunics and trousers and the same thing happened to me, I was careless and she was careless and we saw each other. I think it was sort of embarrassing for her though, she could hardly say the apology."

"That was awful" my mother groans "You may not have been embarrassed, but I sure was, her mother sent me a letter telling me about the situation."

"And your mother called me frantic" father adds with a chuckle.

"Who was the girl?" Rosemary asks. I shrug.

"I forget, she was an eleven too but we weren't friends or anything."

"Maybe that's why she was uncomfortable," Rosemary says, "Because you didn't really know her. Alonzo and I are best friends, so it wasn't that bad for us."

"Your intuitive for a seven year old" my father observes. My mother on the other hand is glaring at all of us.

"Honestly" she humphs "Do none of you care that this conversation is probably breaking rules?"

None of us really did, but we listened to mother, we changed the subject.

But it probably wasn't to long before Rosemary popped up with another question about why a rule was a rule and got us started all over again.

"She should be grateful that the doctors know how to handle the situation" Alonzo says, making a face "Hey Rose, did you know that the woman who used to be my sister is a Birthmother?"

"I remember her assignment" Rosemary says nodding "Chloe right?"

"Yeah, I hope she finishes up soon and they transfer her to another assignment. I want to be able to her at Ceremonies and such again."

I brake my bike "Chloe's your sister?" I ask, looking at the boy.

Rosemary and Alonzo both stop their own bikes and look back at me. "She was my sister" Alonzo corrects "She's moved out of the dwelling now. Has been for what…four years now?"

"Five" Rosemary corrects. Alonzo nods.

"Right five."

I stare at the boy more critically. He looks nothing like Chloe really, Chloe was really short and curvy and this boy is tall and slender, kind of like myself, their hair was even different shades. But it would make sense for them to look different, they didn't share any biological material, siblings never do. Rosemary and I are as different looking as two individuals can get, but there was something about us that marked us as brother and sister, something that was still there after all this time. Perhaps it was because we were so different from everyone else. I didn't take my pill anymore, so I felt things, she…. well she had always been different; it may have to do with her pale eyes. My father has the same eyes and he's just as different. We had similar personalities, though she was more social than I ever was, and we are both always asking "why?".

Chloe was different too, you could see it, she felt things too, she cares more about the well being of her products than anything else, and she had formed emotional bonds with her friends that others couldn't form.

But Alonzo lacked this quality. I could tell just by looking at him, he wasn't different at all, he didn't feel things like Rosemary and I and Chloe and that other birthmother, Anna felt things. He probably wasn't on the pill yet; boys didn't start that till they were eleven or twelve. But it didn't matter, he was already well bred in the emotionless life that we were expected to live. His eyes were blank, his smile, even his laugh, was empty.

I hate that, this boy that was so close to my sister, and he couldn't even feel the bonds that such friends are supposed to feel. I bet once they receive their assignments at the Ceremony of Twelve they would drift apart, and given time, Alonzo would forget all about Rosemary. Just as my childhood friends, Josh and Owen had forgotten all about me. I sigh, frustrated. I find myself feeling that way often now, frustrated that things are the way they are, frustrated with my father for his bitter behavior, frustrated with Mekhi for not caring more about Chloe, it was tiresome.

"I know your sister" I tell Alonzo.

"You do?"

"Yes, she's the birthmother that I'm watching."

Alonzo's eyes widen slightly. "Really?" he says, "Is she going to be alright?"

"She should be fine" I tell him reassuringly "They have her on special medications and she's being watched by the best doctors in the community."

"The best?" Alonzo cocked his head to the side "But why? She's just a birthmother."

"Alonzo you should be happy!" Rosemary cries out in surprise "She's your sister!"

"Was my sister" he corrected "But it's true. She's just a birthmother, they have a lot of them don't they? Why does she need all the special attention?"

_Because she's a special insemination. _I want to say, to explain to him and my sister how it all worked. _Because we need possible Receiver Candidates, so they inseminate girls with the right genes, give them semen with the right genes, so that they can produce pale-eyed new children, and we can't afford to lose a pale-eyed new child._ But I know it's against the rules to tell them that, we've been carefully instructed in how to lie to them if this question should ever come up. "It's the products we want" that's not really a lie, that is what everyone's concerned with down at the Birthing Unit "but they aren't ready to come out yet, they still need to be incubated for a while, to finish maturing, so we have to make sure she's alright."

This makes sense to Alonzo, he nods, satisfied with my answer. Rosemary huffs.

"Shame on both of you!" she says, annoyed "Reducing a human being to an incubator! Chloe's a female, not a machine!" She tilts her nose upward, something I've noticed she does when she's been offended "I'm not talking to either of you the rest of the trip!" and she pedals on ahead of us.

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Alethea is looking for something when I enter the Annex, she's shuffling papers around and muttering angrily to herself. "You stupid woman" she's grumbling "He gave you one simple direction, hold this for me till I get the chance to take it to the Elders, and you lost it."

"Hello Alethea" I greet, suppressing my amusement. The woman looks up, surprised.

"Hello Cael" she says, returning my smile "Is he expecting you?"

"He should" I say "We've been having midday meals together every Wednesday for a month now."

Alethea looks confused "Oh yes, I forgot" she says quickly "Here let me inform him you're here." She looks around the messy desk and sighs, "If I could find the buzzer."

Poor woman, her mind is starting to fail her. They must be scrambling to find her a replacement. With a chuckle I reach forward, wipe a few papers away and push the button by her monitor. I hear a buzz "Hello Father?"

There is a short silence on the other end, and then I hear my father "Cael?"

"Your assumption is correct" I say, "I'm waiting outside."

"Alright, I'm coming. Alethea I want those papers."

I see a sick look cross over the elderly assistant's face. "Yes sir" she says. I click off the speaker. "What are you looking for?" I ask her.

"Yearly reports and procedural advice." She says "I have to fill them out every year, but the council rarely looks at them. But I guess they have summoned for them so Gowyr gave them to me to keep track of, but I've lost them again." She sighs, "I'm to old for this job Cael."

"Why don't you request to be put in the House of the Old? Your almost seventy now right?"

"I don't know" she admits, "I've lived long enough to see two Receivers. I was attendant when Gowyr was selected." She pushes a few papers away and sighs "There it is" she mutters grabbing a packet of stapled papers.

"Why haven't they got another attendant yet?" I ask.

Alethea laughs, "They've forgotten. Like the Receiver, there is only one attendant to the Receiver. I didn't get a dormitory; I don't get a section at the Ceremony, I kind of slip under everyone's notice. So they have just forgotten that I'm getting to old to do this. I asked Gowyr to remind them. I'm hoping they will pick someone at the Ceremony." She frowns "But that's so far away. I hope I can keep it up until then."

"Is it a hard job?" I ask her. Alethea thinks for a moment, and then shakes her head.

"Not really, I mean it's better than Laborer, but it's not like being a doctor or an engineer." She begins to restack some papers. "Basically Gowyr dictates to me, and I write down what he says, I access records for him to look at, plan his schedules, deliver messages to him, it seems like a lot of work, but to be honest it can get boring sometimes. Days will go by and I'll do nothing."

"And the training was easy?"

Alethea nods "Only took me a year to learn everything. And it only took me that long because they insisted I stay in school while I was learning. If I could get someone that could dedicate a whole day to training, I could probably teach them in five months, tops."

"A whole day huh?"

Alethea nods "Of course they won't let that happen, new Twelves have to go to school, and continue to go to school until they are fourteen at least." She pauses "Unless they are a birthmother. With them it's the earlier the better I think. My friend Gertrude, she was assigned birthmother our Ceremony of Twelve, she's wasn't surprised I think, she had never been good at school, anyway, she dropped out of school when she was thirteen. I saw her later on though, after she finished with her productions, she was reassigned landscaping crew, so I would see her a lot in the central plaza. She was a sweet girl Gertrude."

She was rambling again. I forgot Alethea does that. "Is she in the house of the Old yet?" I ask the old woman. Alethea nods.

"Yes, she told me she applied and they accepted her, that was about three years ago though."

"It's your turn then Alethea, you said it yourself, you're to old for this."

"I know but-

The door cuts her off, my father emerges. Looking as displeased by everything as ever. He does smile though, when he sees me, though it's a bitter smile. My father was proud of me, my assignment was an extremely prestigious one, and he enjoyed me, we had a similar sense of humor, but I still felt like I was missing something from my father. Something that really kept me from being a son to him, that I was nothing more than a male that had lived in his dwelling for fourteen years, and then left.

For a while he had treated Rosemary the same way, that she wasn't his daughter, just a girl. Ever since she was a seven though, he'd treated her differently, kinder, didn't get as frustrated with her as he did with me, wasn't as guarded in his conversations. And he looked at her strangely, his stern face would get softer, and he would smile. An emotion I couldn't name was there in his face; he felt something for the girl that he didn't feel for me, or anyone else.

"Hello father" I greet, beside me Alethea struggles to her feet. She has too, every time the Receiver entered. It's getting harder for her though.

Gowyr looks at her "Hello Cael" he greets "Alethea, what have I told you? No need for you to stand, not at your age."

"Right" she settles back into her seat, and hands my father the stapled papers "Here you are sir"

"Thank-you Alethea." His voice is gentle when he speaks to her, gentle and almost affectionate. "Come on Cael" I have to drop these off to the Council, and then we can go to the Central Plaza for a walk."

"Okay" I begin to follow him out the door "Bye Alethea"

The old woman smiles and waves at us "Goodbye Gowyr, Goodbye Cael" she calls out in her shaky old voice.

I look at her one more time, she's right; she is to old for this job. I remember what she told me _They've forgotten me. I kind of slip under everyone's notice._ _I'm hoping they will pick someone at the Ceremony, But that's so far away. I hope I can keep it up until then. If I could get someone that could dedicate a whole day to training, I could probably teach them in five months, tops._

An idea starts to form in mind then, a way I can help Alethea and someone else as well. But I don't have the time to dwell on it…. not yet at least.

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**I just wanted to take a moment to give a shout out to a fellow Giver Fanfiction author ChuckyDoll. Her fan fictions are amazing and one of them, Dissenters and Decedents inspired me to finally write this story. She's also been pretty supportive of my stories, and puts up with my horrible spelling and grammar abilities. Everyone should go and read her stories, seriously, they are all awesome! **


	5. Chapter 5

I was the Nineteenth Birthmother to get inseminated for this year's batch. So whichever Product they decide to keep will be Product Nineteen. I find this really amusing, since my own number, the one I had all throughout my school years, was Nineteen. It had meant that I myself had been the nineteenth newchild born my year.

"I wonder if that's common" Doreen had mused when we'd all shared our numbers with each other one night.

"Probably not" Anna answered, like usual she was curled up on the chair while the rest of us, still not pregnant enough to be affected to much in our motion, gathered around her on the floor. She smiles mischievously at me "Chloe's just one special little female."

I roll my eyes, embarrassed, she's noticed, like I have, that the doctors and nurses are keeping a special eye on me. "It's just a coincidence" I say.

"What's that?" Doreen asks, looking up from her toenails, which she had been studying.

"What's what?" Grace asked, she was leaning against Anna's chair.

"Conscience"

Now its Anna's turn to roll her eyes "You mean coincidence?" she asks, Doreen nods, her curls bouncing lightly as she does so. Anna sighs

"It means it wasn't planned, that it just happened by chance" she explains, "Honestly Dory, how did you pass school?"

Doreen sticks her tongue out at Anna, and Anna returns the gesture. Grace and I giggle.

"What's the rest of your Numbers? I'm Four" Doreen asks.

"You mean our Products' numbers or our own numbers?" Grace asks, tilting her head to look at the younger girl. Grace is by far the most attractive girl in the Unit. Most of us are reasonably attractive, Anna sure was, and I had had my good looks mentioned in my Ceremony Of Twelve Speech, Doreen was cute, but not particularly beautiful. She had probably more or less been picked because she was strong. Grace though was one of those females that basically takes your breath away. New girls would always stare at her when she'd walk by them for the first time. However, Grace was a worrywart and was somewhat obsessed with rules. She broke a lot of them, like keeping track of numbers and seeing the new children as they are being taken away and finding out names. However she was sure that everything else that we did was also breaking the rules, and worse, that we were going to get released for something as simple as sharing meals with one another. Just this morning she had fussed at me because the bun I had put my hair in was to messy for regulations. Even if this was true, the caretakers rarely pay attention to what our hair looks like; they have other things on their minds. Sure enough, the whole day had gone by and no one had said something about my hair, except Anna, who had told me she liked my hair up like that. Anna found Grace totally annoying, but still, Grace was her friend, and Anna was extremely loyal to her friends. Besides if you looked past Grace's annoying traits, she was a kind girl. Even during our school days together I had been fond of Grace. "My product is Number Twenty this time, but my own Number was Forty-One. Anna, sit up, you're breaking the rules sitting like that."

"All the more reason to sit like this" Anna snorted, "My Number was Eight, this Product" she pats her still flat stomach fondly "Is Number Eighteen though."

"Eight and Eighteen" Doreen repeats and giggles "Ten apart"

"At least she can count" Anna teases lightly; she reaches out and ruffles Doreen's hair fondly.

"What was your number Doreen?"

"Ten" she says, shrugging "I was really dumb when I was a girl-

"And your not now?" Anna asks. Doreen shoots her a look and Anna giggles.

"And I used to think that because I was older I would get a better assignment. Like a prestigious one."

"Didn't we all?" Anna asks, the smile immediately leaves her face "I mean no one here sat on their Ceremony of Twelve and said 'I really hope I get Birthmother"".

We all shake out heads.

"I wanted to be in the Fish Hatchery" Grace admits quietly.

"I wanted to Repair Bicycles" Doreen whispers "Bicycles have always fascinated me, I would really enjoy watching the Repair men and women take them apart and put them back together." She sighs "and now I don't even have a bicycle to ride around on."

"You'll have a bicycle again Doreen," I say reassuringly "When your finished producing, they will give you another one."

"So at least you can ride around again." Anna adds. Grace nods in agreement. Doreen smiles at us. "What about you Chloe?" she asks me.

I sigh, "I wanted Nurturer" I say "I've wanted that assignment since I was a little girl."

Doreen wrinkles her nose "Nurturer?" she comments with disdain "Really?"

I nod "I was always drawn to Newchildren. I love their big eyes and chubby cheeks and the baby noises, and how much they depend on you and require your attention-

"To much responsibility" Grace mutters

"To much what?" Doreen asks.

"Honestly Doreen" Anna sighs.

"What about you Anna" Grace suddenly says, sitting up a little. "I've known you for six years now and I don't think I've ever heard you say what you wanted to be."

"Yeah me neither" I add.

Anna frowns, pulls her knees up a little and hugs them close to her "Honestly I don't know." She admits, "I liked volunteering at the Nurturing Center, but I don't think that's quite what I wanted to do."

"Why not?"

"Because I mean. Nurturers only take care of Newchildren in their first year, you know? And then they get sent away to Family Units and the Nurturers never get to see them or care for them again." She shrugs "It just doesn't seem like something I could deal with. I'd get attached I think."

"You know" Grace chuckles "If you had said that to me before I had Claire and Adonis I would have thought you were crazy." She tilts her head up at Anna; I've noticed lately that Grace looks at Anna differently than she looks at others. We all look at Anna differently I guess. Most of the Birthmothers respect and honor her, she's the oldest birthmother in the Unit now, and is the undeniable leader, plus her rebellious streak had won her some notoriety among even the caretakers. I probably looked at her differently because she was my closest confidant, we shared everything with each other, but Grace's look was neither one of respect or dear friendship. Grace looked at Anna with a sort of tenderness and affection that I had never seen on her face before. Despite her worrisome tendencies, Grace was always a little gentler with Anna when it came to chastising her. Anna didn't seem to notice it though, didn't notice it or didn't care; with Anna you can't really tell the difference. "But now" Grace's saying, smiling softly at my friend. "I think I know exactly what you mean." She touches her own stomach, which hasn't started to swell either.

Immediately I touch my own belly, and I see Doreen do the same. We all smile at each other.

We all know exactly what Anna means.

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The days pass by slowly; I find small ways to entertain myself. I talk a lot to my males; I fondly started calling them Thaddeus and Chad, though only mentally. I count their kicks and punches, and how many times they roll over in a day. I read the doctor's procedurals, though I find them extremely boring. I sleep a lot. I'm taken on regular walks now, to make sure my weight doesn't get out of control. Mekhi visits once a day, his patients at the Hospital keep him away from me most of the day (I have to admit I'm grateful for that) but Cael has been given orders to stay here with me at all times. He comes in every half hour or so, rotating with two other assistants, taking my vitals and making sure I wasn't going to try and produce these males on my own again. I had asked him what he did when he wasn't with me and he tells me that he likes to talk to the other Birthmothers.

"That Anna is something else." He laughs, "I've never met anyone like her."

"Yeah, me neither" I admit with a chuckle "Things are never boring when Anna's around."

"She was hosting a sock slide race yesterday" Cael tells me "for the Birthmothers that could participate. She was the judge, because she can't" he motions to his own belly, making a motion to suggest that Anna was too pregnant to slide around on socks. Which is true, she is.

I laugh, "She's always doing that! Sock slide races are her favorite activity. In between Productions she and I would just slide all around the Unit. It's a lot of fun."

"I know" Cael chuckles "She talked me into participating in yesterday's."

"You!" I gasp in disbelief. "No way!"

Cael gives a bashful smile "Sure did, slid down the hallways about eight times. I haven't laughed like that since I was a boy."

I try to imagine Cael, in his lab coat and stethoscope, sliding around with a bunch of giggling Birthmothers, and enjoying it. The thought makes me giggle a little myself.

"Did you win?" I ask. Cael laughs.

"Nah, I wasn't very good at it." He checks my blood pressure and writes it down on the clipboard. "Did you ever win?"

"Did I ever!" I say, puffing out my chest "I was the sock sliding champion!"

"Were you now?" Cael looks at me interestingly. I nod.

"Never lost at race!"

"Well then" he checks my IV "You'll have to show me some pointers sometime"

He smiles at me. I smile back.

It's then I discover…Cael's become a friend. I hadn't thought about it before, he was just Cael to me. My special doctor's assistant, one of the assistants that took care of me…just Cael. Sure maybe I liked him more than I liked the others, he was nice, he let me break rules, and he broke rules for me, he took good care of me…but he was still just Cael. Still just a doctor's assistant, still one of _them_.

But now I realize he was more than that. We had become friends…not the shallow, forgettable thing that _they_ called friendship. One that was solely based on shared circumstances and interests, such as having the same assignment or both liking a certain subject in school. No, Cael and I had a REAL friendship, like the ones I shared with Anna and Grace and Doreen. A friendship that had with it a deep almost unbreakable bond, despite our years and years of training to be emotionless creatures, despite the pill, Cael had somehow been able to form that bond with me. He wasn't just a doctor that I would soon forget when I had my product and left this place, and something told me he wouldn't forget me afterwards either. There was something there now, something holding us together.

"Maybe I will" I say cheerily.

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The day for Doreen's production arrives. Cael informs me that everyone in the Unit was excited. "She's clearly well liked" he observes. "Everyone's on the edge of their seats. They keep sending Birthmothers out to walk by the birthing rooms to see if they can hear or see anything. Two have already gotten in trouble."

"Were they new girls?"

"They were young, so I guess. One of them was named Cheryl, I think."

"Cheryl? I don't know a Cheryl. I wonder if they just moved her in."

Cael shrugs "She's not producing, I know that. How are Thad and Chad today?"

We both chuckle over the shared joke, I had just told him the day before about my nicknames.

"Pretty good, Thad's ready to come out, he won't stop flailing."

"It must be cramped in there" Cael muses "I mean a uterus isn't very big, and there's two of them having to share" he laughs, "No wonder they want to get out so badly."

"Hey Cael"

"What?"

"Do you perform releases?"

Immediately Cael sobers up. Most of the time he's a cheerful, happy male, I've observed. But we had had several very serious conversations with one another, mostly about the fear of my products not making it. Last night we had had a lengthy conversation before I had gone to bed about a Birthmother, Tamar, who had been released.

Tamar had been my birthmother mentor. She had taken me in when Grace and I had arrived and taught me everything you really needed to know about being a birthmother. Like how to keep track of inseminations, and how to hide your growing attachments to the products growing in you, so that it was easier to glimpse the product when they take it away. She'd taught me not to trust the doctors and nurses and other caretakers. She helped me adjust to the feelings that flooded me soon after I stopped taking the pill, and explained to me what it was like to be in labor. The doctors had given us graphs and explanations of what was going to happen and when, but Tamar told me what it felt like. How the whole experience was going to be for us. I had looked up and admired Tamar something fierce. She had almost been a sort of mother for me, now that my mother was gone. She looked out for me, taught me, was there for me when I needed her.

Then she had her final product, and that's when everything went wrong. She had lost her self-control, cracked from all the repressed longing and wanting she had carried during her years of production. She had sat up and asked for the baby, begging them to let her at least hold it, just once. They had politely refused, reminding her that it was against the rules. Tamar had grown frantic; she had started wailing for her baby. They knocked her out and put her in the recovery room, hoping that getting her out of the situation would help calm her. It didn't. As soon as she had woken she had started wailing for her product and begging to see it. They reasoned with her, but she was beyond reason then. They started her on the Pill, hoping to squash the feelings out. But she would force herself to throw the pill up, stuffing a finger down her throat. They gave her an IV version of it, but she would rip it out every time. Finally they had no choice. They declared her a "failure to adhere" and she was released. I had seen her as they led her away. Still in her smock, still clearly in pain from the birth, walking oddly. Still whimpering for her baby. She looked pitiful, an empty shell of the nurturing, kind, patient young woman she had been. Now she was defeated and desolate. She didn't even glance at us as she walked past, her eyes were on stomach, flat now, she was patting it, as if it still had a product in there. I heard her whisper to herself.

"But it's mine. They were all mine."

"It was the saddest thing I've ever seen." I tell Cael "Tamar was so desperate to see her product that her own life meant nothing to her."

"She had no sense of self preservation" Cael, sitting on the stool, leaning on my bed, was intrigued.

"I don't know what that means" I tell him.

"Self preservation is the innate need we are all born with to ensure that we live. It's basically the value we have on our lives. Tamar's bonds with her products were so strong that she no longer felt a value for her own life. She knew that acting out like that would get her released, but it didn't matter to her anymore."

I look down at my own swollen belly, I've still got a month or two to go, but already I look about ready to pop. Inside my males have finally settled down for an hour or two of sleep. They don't know the schedule of the community yet, obviously, but whenever I was starting to lose my daily energy and get sleepy they would stop their movements for a bit, as if my calmness, soothed them. I sigh, "That's odd" I say, "What kind of emotion could drive a person to abandon their reason, and their life?"

Cael shrugs "I'm afraid I don't know." He admits.

"Do you feel like that toward anyone?"

He thinks for a moment, his brow furrowing. Finally he says "My sister maybe. She's the most important person in my life. I think if they forbid me from seeing her anymore, I would probably risk breaking the rules to see her."

"Your sister is Rosemary right?"

"Yeah"

"My brother was friends with her."

"They still are" he tells me lightly. "Your brother's gotten tall."

"Has he?" I chuckle "He was still so young when I last saw him."

"He's a ten now"

"Wow" I lean back and shake my head "A ten"

"Weird huh?"

"Yeah. It's strange how time kind of seems to stand still when you're in here. I mean, it's been five years, and yet…. its like I'm still that fourteen year old girl that came in here that afternoon scared and unsure of what would happen."

"Are you happy that this is your last product?" Cael asks.

I sigh, Anna has asked me this question before, Doreen too. Am I happy? Sure I'm glad that I won't be suffering from those pangs of sadness and loss over my products that are taken from me. Sure I won't miss being treated like nothing but an incubator. Sure I look forward to being able to go outside, socialize with other people, and perhaps reunite with Elise and Adam and Alonzo, if they haven't forgotten me.

But I couldn't really say I was happy. This place had been my dwelling for five years, the birthmothers had been my family unit, everyone from nasty Moria to gentle and kind hearted Philomena, I knew all of them and they all knew me. I had many bitter memories of being mistreated and mocked, but I also had an overwhelming amount of happy memories. Of the sock races in the hallway, of the late night conversations, of the shared jokes and secrets, memories that came with a internal warmth that I had never ever felt before in my seventeen years. The Birthing Unit, and the title of Birthmother had been my whole life for the past five years. It was going to be odd to walk away from it all when the time came. I would probably see many of these girls again, we would all get assigned some laborious task, and seeing as there were only so many laborious tasks available, many got the same assignment. But it wouldn't be the same. We would all be put back on the pill, and we'd be thrust back into that empty shallow feeling of content ness that we were forced to feel, and the bonds we had formed would crumble away. The feelings associated with the memories we had of our time at the birthing unit would dissipate and the memories themselves would become fuzzy. It was a sad thing to think about.

So instead of answering his question I told him "I'm glad I won't have to go through this again."

Something tells me that Cael knows what I mean.

Now though, as he does his normal check-up I decide I want to ask him about release. Because I'm thinking about Tamar, about the emotion she had for her products. She had been released, sent elsewhere, to be kept away from her products. A caretaker had told me, she was a kinder female that would sometimes give her best attempts to comfort us Birthmothers. I think if she wasn't on the pill she would be better, would want to take care of us, but all she could do now was give some empty condolences. "We hope that by sending her to elsewhere she will settle down. Maybe there in elsewhere they can get her to understand the necessary rules about birthmothers and their products." She had said sympathetically. "You understand the importance of the rule, right Chloe?"

"Yes Yoshiko" I say softly, looking at my hands. She smiles at me.

"Good"

But now it occurred to me. What if they couldn't get Tamar to settle down in Elsewhere? What if she had escaped? Was it possible? What she found a way to leave elsewhere and return to see her products? It was a ridiculous thought; it had never happened before, that a released person came back to the community…but still.

Now I look up at the solemn Cael "Have you ever had to perform a release?"

"Not in practice" he says "but I've been to several, and I'm trained in release."

"What happens?" I ask him.

Cael's lips press into a hard line, I see something flicker in his eyes. "I can't tell you" he says, I think his voice is choked a little.

"Another, 'I could get released' topic?"

"Yes"

I sigh, there were a lot of those, it seemed.

Just then Anna, Grace and Shea poke their heads in the door. Shea is relatively new, she's on her first production, I think she's fifteen. She's not really a part of "the group", that was made up of Anna, myself, Grace, Doreen, Moria and Estella, but she was a close friend of Doreen's, and Anna let her tag along with us a lot.

"Can we come in?" Anna asks us. Cael looks over and smiles at them. Again I see the look passed between the two.

"Sure" Cael says, "We were just talking about Doreen."

"She's finished" Shea informs us. She and the others come in and gather around my bed. I'm surprised to find Grace here; surely she was aware of what a big break in the rules this was. Yet here she was, smiling at me, as beautiful as ever.

"Already?" I say looking at Shea "But it's only been a few hours!"

"It's been four" Anna says, standing beside Cael. "I told you she was strong."

"Four hours…wow!"

"So now we have products one through four" Grace is saying "and number five is on its way. Dahlia went in labor on her own this morning too. The doctors weren't surprised or alarmed though, she was scheduled for labor tomorrow anyway."

"Wow. Any news on her?"

"She's doing fine so far" Cael tells us "Her contractions are pretty close together and she's almost dilated enough to really start pushing."

The others all sigh in relief. Everyone likes Dahlia; she's got a playful disposition, and can turn anything into a game.

"Hey Cael" Anna says, "Do you happen to know the gender of Doreen's product?"

"I'm not in charge of Doreen" Cael says, "So they don't give me her sonograms or her information. I've only seen Chloe's"

"Pity" Anna grumbles.

"But you know what" Cael says, looking over at Anna. The woman looks at him expectantly. "Do you guys really want to know what the product's gender is?"

We all nod.

"Alright, wait here."

"Where are you going?" Grace asks, alarmed.

"They hold the new children in the unit for a few hours, to run some tests. Doreen's product will still be here, and I can go see it, being a doctor. I'll be right back,"

"Can I come with?" Anna asks.

Cael laughs, "Do you want to get released?"

"Ugg"

"It will just be a second. Wait here."

We all nod our consent and Cael leaves.

"He's such a nice guy" Shea comments "and totally handsome. Did you hear Lorelei yesterday? She told Jessica that she got the stirrings over Cael."

"A lot of the birthmothers have" Grace says "and Lorelei needs to watch what she says, talking about the stirrings is against the rules."

"Oh lay off it Grace" Anna teases.

"Who else has stirrings over Cael?" I ask, looking at Shea. The girl knew everything about everyone.

"Gretchen, Joyce, Eliza, Ashling, yours truly"

"You?"

"Mhm"

"And me" Anna adds with a cheeky smile. I turn to her in surprise, so does Grace.

"Really?" we both say in unison.

Anna laughs "Had stirring dreams with him about once a week now."

I can't help but notice Grace looks a little hurt.

"Does he give you the stirrings Grace?" I ask her. She shakes her head. Anna snorts.

"That's because she gets her stirrings for me."

"Anna!" Grace yips, alarmed.

"Oh come on Grace, these are our friends. They aren't going to care." She looks meaningfully at Shea "Or tell anyone else. Will we?"

Shea shakes her head, but Grace doesn't look appeased.

"What about you Chloe" Shea asks, changing the subject. "Do you get the stirrings for Cael?"

"No. Cael's just my friend. Like you guys."

"So, hey you guys" Grace speaks up "This is totally against the rules to be talking about this. So lets not talk about it anymore alright?"

For once we all listen to Grace. We talk of other things. Like the Birthmothers and whose lined up next to have their products (Estella, Blair, and Mirada), and something the caretakers had done to them.

After what seemed a great while, the door opens and Cael pops his head in, looking extremely excited.

"Hey Chloe" he says.

"What?"

"I've brought a surprise."

I sit up, excited. "What is it?"

Cael grins, he looks behind him "Come on in" he opens the door wider "Don't worry, no one will know you were here"

Anna and the girls exchange nervous looks with one another, we are all confused.

A man walks in, looking nervous at first, but his whole face lights up when he sees me "Hello Chloe, it's great to see you again."

It was Adam.


	6. Chapter 6

"What are you doing here?" I exclaim excitedly, inside of me Thad and Chad start to kick furiously, as if they are excited to see Adam too, though they had no reason to be. They had never met Adam before (they hadn't met anyone before). I on the other hand had every reason to be excited to see this young man. Ever since I started my volunteer hours at the Nurturing Center, when I had been an eight, we had been drawn to each other, Adam and I. We shared a fascination with new children, and found the same things funny, we were both rather shy individuals, and we both were very observant of other people. He was quite a bit older than me; he had been fifteen when I had started my volunteer hours, still one of the newest most inexperienced assistants in the Center, so in the first couple of years he had treated me more like a younger sister. He had helped me out that first day, helping me feed a cranky male, taught me how to soothe it with the special voice and get it to take the bottle's nipple. Later, during changing time, he demonstrated the proper way to remove a diaper, wipe the new child clean, and then put on a fresh diaper. When it came my turn to try, he walked me through, step by step. After that I searched him out every day and watched him care for the infants. He never seemed to mind that for a few hours every day, I became his shadow; in fact I think he liked having someone look up to him. It wasn't long till we were bonding over things like our younger siblings (he had a younger sister Katya) and things we liked and disliked about school. Within weeks he was teaching me how to ride his bicycle after Volunteer Hours, and walking me home, and waiting for me when school got out to take me to the Nurturing Center. Sometimes, if we both had free time, we would take walks by the river, or around the Central Plaza. By the time I was an Eleven we were no longer a girl that fallowed around a Nurturer, but friends. He talked to me like I was an age-mate, not a girl seven years his junior, and were spending more time with each other than with any one of our other friends. It was Adam that I had felt most comfortable with; that I could truly be myself around, and I knew that it was the same for him.

Shortly after my Ceremony of Eleven, I had started to have weird dreams, dreams that I came to know as "Stirring Dreams". In them Adam and I were always in an intimate place, alone, usually with one or both of us in some state of undress, and at some point in the dream, we would touch. Touching was considered very rude, outside of family units and if one did happen to touch you, on purpose or accident, one always had to give a standard apology "I apologize for making you uncomfortable" or "I apologize for being rude". I had always been careful about the touching, as a child, the only person I had accidentally touched was my old childhood friends Elise and a fun-loving male named Owen, and both had been very understanding about my mistake, they had laughed it off and reassured me that they accepted my apology and they had hardly noticed. In the dreams though the touching was never accidental, but extremely purposeful, and always very intimate and affectionate, and there was never an apology. There was never a need to apologize in these dreams, because it was never rude, we didn't feel uncomfortable, actually we felt extremely safe, in the dream, safe and…. something else that I could never name. I would wake from these dreams, happy and warm. I had reported the dreams to my parents, as we are required to, and they had quickly explained to me that I had experienced my stirrings, and started me on the pill, that vile, evil, feeling-sucking pill. They had warned me that if the pill didn't work, and I continued to dream these dreams, to make sure and report them because the dosage would have to be adjusted. For a while one pill was enough for me, but then the dreams came back, and they had to put me on two, and then three. "You always were odd" Father would mutter, looking at me critically as I would swallow my allotted pills.

Three pills eventually did the trick, my stirrings dissipated, my friendship with Adam didn't suffer from the oddities, and life went on. Then I got the assignment of Birthmother, and among the instructions I was given there was "If you are currently on the pills, stop immediately". My mother and I both baffled over the rule, wondering why there would be any reason for a person to stop taking pills. "Well, a rule is a rule" my mother said uncertainly "I'll go tomorrow and turn the pills back in"

"Just another reason for her to be different" father grumbles.

"Jeffery please" my mother sighs, "Don't be like that."

Soon after the pills were taken from me the stirrings came back, and is if to make up for the time that I was on the pill, they were more frequent and more detailed. They made it hard to be around Adam too, because every time I talked to him, all I could think about were those stupid dreams, and how nice they had felt. Finally I had to break down and start spending more time with others in the Nurturing Center, and distance myself from Adam, a little. I couldn't cut myself off completely; he had come to mean so much to me. But to be honest, I had been a little glad to finally get called to the Birthing Unit, because I was finding myself feeling more and more at a loss of what to do. The dreams felt so nice, and a part of me wanted to act them out with Adam. Obviously I wouldn't dare ask, to do so would be beyond rude, but I wanted to.

During my time here in the Birthing Unit, the dreams had become less and less frequent, now I usually only had one a month, though months could go by without one. Apparently that was somewhat common among producing females. A doctor had explained it as "It's different for every female, some of you will no longer experience the stirrings, or will go for long periods without experiencing it, while others of you will suddenly be having stronger and more frequent stirrings than ever." I had fallen into the "long periods of time without experiencing it" category. Anna on the other hand had fallen into the "Stronger more frequent than ever" category. Though whom she had gotten the stirrings over before Cael was beyond me, she didn't seem to be fond of anyone, in that way anyway.

Adam's smiling at me, his usual shy, pleasant smile. "They sent me to go fetch the new products and take them to the Nurturing center. But apparently Product Number 5 isn't here yet. So I was just waiting in the Holding unit, and Cael here found me." He chuckles nervously.

"He asked me if I knew a birthmother named Chloe" Cael adds, coming to stand beside Anna "I said yes, and he told me to tell you that he hadn't forgotten his promise"

"And Cael said 'why don't you tell her yourself?'" Adam finishes. "So here I am!"

I laugh "Here you are! Wow it's great to see you again!"

"And you! I see you haven't grown an inch, height wise." Adam teases. I make a face at him, though it's probably true, I'm the shortest birthmother in the unit. Adam points to my stomach "What's with that belly?" he asks, "Am I being rude? I apologize for being rude"

"I accept your apology" I chant the required response "But no, your not being rude, it's fine."

"I mean, you all have these stomachs, does this have to do with producing?" he asks.

We all nod "We're storing the babies, while they grow and form" Anna explains, she's the best at making the whole system seem a lot less emotional than we feel it really is. Adam glances over at her, and then does a double take.

"I know you" he says, "You volunteered a lot at the Nurturing Center, right?"

Anna nods "Yes, most of my Volunteer Hours actually."

"You were good at it too" Adam comments "All the Nurturers were disappointed when they assigned you Birthmother."

Anna makes a face, and I can almost hear her saying, me too, but instead she says, "The Council knows best". Adam laughs again

"I guess they do, don't they? But, so, those are newchildren there in your stomach Chloe?"

"They're actually in my uterus" I tell him "but yes, there are newchildren in there. Two actually."

"Two?" The idea seems to fascinate Adam; he stares at my stomach, almost in a trance. I have to bite back laughter, I forget that normal citizens haven't seen a female swell and grow and reproduce before, they had probably learned about it in biology, but it's not the same as seeing it in practice.

"Pretty amazing to think about, isn't it?" Cael says. Adam nods.

"I mean, there's a life in there, a tiny little life" he whispers.

"Believe me, the way they move, I'm well aware of the fact that there is a life in here." I pet my stomach.

Grace, Shea, and Anna all groan in agreement.

"They move?" Adam gasps.

"All the time, do you want to feel?"

"Is that okay?"

"Yeah sure, come here"

Cautiously Adam makes his way to the side of my bed, l lower the blanket, so that only the smock rested between his hand and my belly. "Here give me your hand" I tell him. Slowly, uncertainly, he does so. I take it and place it where I know he will get the best feel of the tiny, fluttering kicks. I've never actually touched Adam before, I've thought about it, oh how I've thought about it. But I've never had the courage to do it. And now, here we were, my hand clasping his wrist, holding it to my belly. The thought sends little shivers down my spine, and that only causes the males to kick more vigorously than before. I watch Adam, curious to see his reaction to the products' movement. His eyes are wide, his jaw has gone slack, his mouth is open a gape. I think he's even holding his breath. Behind him the girls and Cael are smiling. Anna even reaches out and squeezes Grace's shoulder with one hand and touches Cael's arm with the other. I sort of expect Cael to inch away from her, he's still a citizen after all, touching is still extremely rude to them, but instead Cael takes the hand opposite to the arm she's touching and puts it over her hand in an affectionate gesture.

For a while the rest of the Community ceased to exist. It was just me, Adam, the products, the birthmothers, and Cael, all gathered together, sharing this intimate moment. But all to soon it had to come to an end, Cael looks at his watch and his eyes get wide.

"Adam we have to get you out of here. In fact everyone needs to clear out" he says. Immediately Adam pulls his hand away from my stomach and turns to Cael, alarmed. I don't know why, but I feel a little disappointed, I enjoyed the touching. It had felt nice.

"Why?" Adam asks.

"Mekhi will be here soon to see her."

"Is it really three o clock already?" Anna whines, leaning over to check Cael's watch "Ugg"

"Well come on, let's get out" Grace huffs, already pushing Shea in the direction of the door. "Adam, do you need help finding your way back to the Holding Unit?"

Adam shakes his head "No, I've been here plenty of times before." He looks back at me "It's been great seeing you again Chloe"

"You too Adam" I really wish he wouldn't leave, not so soon. I want him to pull up the stool, like Cael does sometimes, and talk to me. I want to catch up with him, to re-establish the old rapport we used to have with one another. Apparently it had been strong enough that even on the pill he hadn't forgotten me after all this time, five whole years. I feel an ache in my chest, and I know it's not the heartburn I sometimes experience during pregnancy. I was suddenly feeling very lonely, despite all the people still surrounding me.

He starts to leave, but stops and turns to face me again "I wanted to tell you, I've got a spouse now. Her name is Isla; she works in the Department of Justice. We applied for our first child this year, so maybe I'll get your product"

"Okay" Grace is standing in the doorway, looking very annoyed "Now talking like that is _defiantly _against the rules." She snaps, "Lets _go_ Adam."

The young man chuckles "Snappy thing isn't she?"

Anna rolls her eyes again "You have no idea"

"Now!"

"Alright, we're coming!" Anna snickers "We'll see you in a little bit Chloe."

"See ya"

The group scatters outside; Adam glances once more at me, and wags his fingers good-bye. As soon as he slips out the door Cael says "I need to talk to Anna and Grace for a moment, do you think you'll be alright by yourself for a while?"

I nod, though to be honest I wish he wouldn't leave, not right now anyway. But I don't know what he could do for me. I wouldn't know how to describe what I was feeling to him, it was beyond words, or at least words that I knew. So I just nod and smile and watch as he walks out the door, his lab coat fluttering behind him.

Then I really was all alone.

X_X_X_X_X_X_X_X_X_X_X_X_X_X_X_X_X_X_X_X_X_X_X_X_X_X_X_X_X_X_X_X_X_X_X_X_X_X_X_

"How smart is Chloe?" I ask Anna and Grace as we take a leisurely walk around the gardens. We had parted ways with Adam a while ago, and on our way to the gardens had passed Mekhi with his other assistant, a younger female, on their way to check on Chloe. Mekhi had given me an odd look, obviously confused as to why I was associating with Birthmothers other than Chloe. "I was asked to take them outside for a supervised walk. Do you need me?"

"No, I'll be fine with Salome" Mekhi had replied in his usual no-nonsense tone "But don't forget your responsibilities Cael"

"I won't, it's just a quick walk" I assure him and then hurry the two girls along. We were lucky enough to be the only ones who had decided to get some fresh air; it means we don't have to be so careful with what we say to one another. Anna was closer to me than was socially acceptable, but Grace was still keeping her distance, which didn't bother me. Anna and I were friends; we had bonded a lot over this past month, with sock races, playful banter and fun chatter. I didn't know Grace very well at all. I had seen her frequently; she hardly strayed far from Anna's side, and like Chloe she was in my age group at school. She was unbelievably attractive, tall like Anna, but curvy like Chloe, with light hair like my sister's, only thicker. Her eyes are lighter than the others too, not as pale as my sister's, the kind that startles you when you first look at them, but paler. She has a very serene aura about her, when she's not fretting about rules, and a part of me wishes there was a way to capture her beauty. So that people can still admire it, even long after it's diminished. However I don't think Grace cares much for me, though I can't say why.

Now they both look at me in surprise "What do you mean?" Anna asks me, tilting her head to the side.

"I mean, do you think she could do a non-laborious job?"

"Well, that depends" Grace says "I mean, I don't think she would cut it for…doctor, or engineer."

"But she's no Doreen" Anna adds, "If that's what you mean."

"Do you think she could be…oh I don't know, an Attendant?"

Anna and Grace exchange looks with one another "Yeah" Anna finally says slowly "Yeah she could be an Attendant I guess."

"She's smart enough for that" Grace agrees, nodding. "Why?"

I lick my lips, deciding to word this carefully. It was an idea I had been working on for a while now, planning and scheming. I had first thought of it when I had observed Alethea struggling to keep up with her job, and complaining about how long it would take to select and train a twelve._ If I could get someone that could dedicate a whole day to training, I could do it in five months top. _But it wasn't until Mekhi had pulled me aside after yesterday's exam and said "That girl may have been strong when they chose her, but she's not strong anymore, we might need to talk to the council about giving her a variance on laborious work" that the plan had REALLY started to fall into place. Why don't I get Chloe re-assigned as my father's Attendant? It was the perfect job for her really, or at least it seemed like it would be. I had observed that she took directions very well, was organized and efficient, observant, quiet, and patient, all things one was going to HAVE to have to work with my father on a day to day basis. And as a plus, Chloe was pretty intuitive; she seemed to know what people were thinking/feeling/wanting. But I highly doubt that if I was to go to the Council and ask for a variance they would give it to her, I was just an assistant. I could ask Mekhi to go ask for a variance, but he wouldn't try to get Attendant to the Receiver, he would just get her out of becoming a Laborer. No if I wanted Chloe to get re-assigned Attendant to the Receiver, I was going to have to ask my Father for a favor. He was going to have to go forward to the council and ask for the Variance himself.

But the girls don't need to know all this, not yet anyway, so instead I say, "Mekhi and I have decided that Chloe is to weak to be a laborer after her years of production, so I was just wondering what other occupation might fit her-

"Nurturer" both Grace and Anna interrupt.

"Nurturer?"

"Chloe's always wanted to be a Nurturer" Grace says, "She's crazy about Newchildren."

"And Adam" Anna adds. I look over at her.

"Huh?"

"Oh don't tell me you didn't see the way she looked at him today" Anna hoots "She totally has the stirrings for him."

"Do you really think…" I trail off, frowning.

"Please, it was glaringly obvious."

Why did that bother me? Why am I suddenly feeling a little hurt?

"Hey you alright?" Grace asks, giving me a sympathetic look.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Why?"

"Well I just thought that…" now its her turn to frown "Maybe I was wrong"

"Wrong about what?" Anna asks, but Grace shakes her head.

"It's nothing," she says. "Do you think Nurturer is possible for Chloe's after Birthmother assignment?"

"I don't think so" I admit, "We can't aim too high, we have to think of the jobs that are just above labor in terms of training needed. I was thinking Attendant."

"That could work" Anna says, nodding "Chloe could defiantly do that."

"And it's better than Laborer" Grace mutters. We all nod.

"Hey Cael, I almost forgot. The product?" Anna turns suddenly and grabs my arm.

"What product?"

"Stop touching" Grace reminds her. Anna ignores her.

"Doreen's product" Anna whispers, "You were going to find out it's gender?"

"Oh yeah" I had forgotten, in light of recent events, the reason I had headed off to the Holding Unit in the first place. "It's a male. Doreen has a son."

"A son" Grace and Anna breath "She has a son."

"Cute little guy has her curls, and her cheeks too."

"Aww" both Grace and Anna coo "How adorable!"

I will never get why females are so into new children. They had never interested me much. I had been eager to help my parents care for my sister when she had been a One, but it was just because she was my sister. Other new children were just…well all they did was eat and sleep and defecate, and a lot of them drool too. They are kind of gross actually. Doreen's son had been cute, I would admit, and at least he wasn't screaming at the top of his lungs when I had arrived. He had just laid there in his little bed, staring at the ceiling with his big dark eyes. But I still didn't see what was so special about him, why females are drawn to them.

"Oh I bet he's going to be just like Doreen!" Grace yips excitedly.

"Let's hope he's a little smarter" Anna comments wryly.

"You're so mean to her Anna" Grace huffs.

"Oh, you know how much I enjoy Doreen Grace" Anna replies with a roll of her eyes "I adore that girl. But you have to admit she's not to sharp."

"There is more to life than intelligence" I find myself saying. Grace and Anna look over at me, shocked. All of our lives we have been taught that there is little else to life but intelligence. We are encouraged by our parents to abandon our emotions and adopt a logical, practical look at life. Intelligent children got prestigious jobs; the others got laborious jobs, so therefore children strived to be intelligent. The idea that intelligence wasn't all there was, was inconceivable.

"What do you mean?" Grace asks, intrigued.

What did I mean? I knew there was more than intelligence, but what else was there? "Well, just because a person isn't intelligent doesn't mean that they aren't as important as a person who is."

Anna and Grace continue to gape at me, so I continue, "Think about it, you guys both like Doreen right?" I ask. The girls nod "and you both like…or at least Anna, you like me right?"

The young woman's cheeks darken "Yes" she says.

"I like you too Cael" Grace adds, "I just wish you didn't let Anna and Chloe get away with as much as you let them."

"Well, then, who's more important to you? And why?"

"Doreen" Grace is quick to reply, "No offense Cael, I like you, but I've know Doreen longer, and I enjoy her more…and I…." She trails off, her face gets very serious. Anna and I look at her expectantly "I don't know how to describe it" she admits slowly "I feel something else for Doreen. A kind of…bond that I simply haven't developed for you yet."

I nod "I understand what you mean, I have that same feeling about my sister. What about you Anna?"

The young woman shrugs "I think you both are equally important to me." She admits, "I feel the same way about Doreen that Grace does. And I feel something similar for you."

"Is it because I'm intelligent?"

"No" she says "If that was the case I would like all the doctors in the Birthing Unit."

"Why do you like me?"

Again both Anna and Grace have to think. Anna answers first this time "Because your…well I was going to say you're nice, but there is more to it than that. I mean, doctor Yoshiko is nice, and I don't like her. Your compassionate, I've never met a doctor as compassionate as you before. And you recognize that we are more than vessels, that we are people with wants and needs and personalities and-

"Feelings" Grace finished for her "You understand our feelings. No one has ever talked to us about our feelings since we've got here. No one has been interested."

"Yeah" Anna agrees, nodding "You've taken the time to get to know us"

"And why do you like Doreen?"

"She can make us laugh" Anna says, "no matter how bad your day's been she can make it better instantly"

"And she accepts everybody as they are. She just honestly likes people, and wants everyone to be happy."

"She's never said a bad word about anyone, and meant it. She wants everyone to get along, and is quick to try and resolve altercations."

"See?" I say "There's more to life than intelligence. There is also…oh I wish I had the word for it. I can think of words I would use to describe it, it contains compassion, affection, companionship, a strong bond for someone, being able to accept a person wholly and unconditionally…but I just can't name the emotion itself. It's not in my vocabulary."

"Or mine" Anna sighs.

"Or mine" Grace mutters.

"But it's there." I finish. The girls nod.

Just then two more birthmothers come from the left wing of the Unit and start to take a turn around the garden. They both look at the three of us, oddly. One of them leans in and whispers in the ear of the other one, who frowns. Anna spots them, grins and waves.

"Hi Aurelia, Kiera!"

The two girls nod at us, and wave. I had noticed that the birthmothers kind of had a hierarchy here. The newest, still in training Birthmothers were on the lowest tier, then came the new Birthmothers that weren't producing, then first product Birthmothers, second product Birthmothers, last product birthmothers, then there was a special group that everyone followed around listened to, it was made up of girls in varying ages, stages of production and personalities. Goofy Doreen who was only fourteen or so, a blunt and somewhat nasty female named Moria who looks to be around sixteen, a calm older female named Estella, rule-obsessed beauty Grace, and the shy but highly observant Chloe. Then at the top of this pyramid was Anna. Maybe it was because she was the oldest; her chart (that I had sneaked a look at from Yoshiko, her doctor) said she had been through eighteen Ceremonies but that she had seen nineteen, twelve-month cycles. Maybe it was because she was too intelligent to belong here. Maybe it was her rebellious, headstrong nature. Maybe it was because there was just something about her that drew you to her and fascinated you. Or perhaps it was because for all her bitter remarks, sarcastic comments and teases, Anna honestly cared about and watched out for every single birthmother. She took care of them, helped them through tough times, kept an eye out for the youngsters, teaching them the ropes and helping them adjust to the changes they were going through. She knew every single Birthmother by name, and the ones who were inseminated she knew their products Numbers too and how far along they were. Just two days ago I had seen her rush to comfort a crying Birthmother-in-training who was having a hard time dealing with the sudden rush of feelings she was experiencing. She had grabbed the girl's hand and holding it affectionately, spoke to her in a soothing tone, and instructed her to breathe, and to concentrate on the sound of her voice. Within minutes the girl had calmed down completely, and as I watched, Doreen came over (she was so big I wondered how she could even move) and said something that made the girl giggle, and then Grace brought her some food, a fruit salad, despite the rule against sharing food. It was amazing to see how the girls' took care of each other. But most amazing was how they all looked up to, listened to, and admired Anna. Especially because I knew that the caretakers here were constantly complaining about her. "She doesn't listen to directions", "She won't adhere to authority", "She's to smart, she's giving the other Birthmothers ideas", "She's defiant", "She's rude", and mostly "I think she should be released". That was the scariest comment I heard. That these people, who were generally well meaning, though lacking in any real emotion, _wanted _someone to be released. Release was quite possibly the worst thing you could want to happen to anyone.

Because to release someone was to kill them. A released person didn't go to elsewhere, like we taught everyone here in the Community, a released person was a dead person.

"What are you two up to?" Anna calls over the quad to them.

"Fresh air" one of them calls back "What are you doing out here?"

"The same" Anna shouts back.

A nurse comes out then, probably to supervise the other girls, so Anna steps back, away from me, and the three of us make our back inside the Birthing Unit. I drop them off in one of the Recreation Rooms where Moria and Estella are currently sitting and chatting with other birthmothers. They see us, smile, and motion for the girls to join them. Anna hurries in without a second thought, but Grace hesitates and then turns to look at me.

"Cael?"

"Hmm?"

"Who is your most important person? Besides your sister I mean."

"Chloe" I say, surprised at how little thought I had needed to come up with that answer.

"You really like her then, huh?" Grace comments. I nod. To my surprise she gives me a smile "I thought so. You really are a great male Cael. I hope Chloe sees that."

I don't say so out loud, but I really hope she sees it too.


	7. Chapter 7

"Is father in?" I ask Althea the morning after Adam's visit to the Birthing Unit. The elderly woman jumps, startled by my sudden, and unexpected arrival. Normally I wouldn't be here on a Friday, and certainly not in the morning. I'm normally performing early morning check-ups on Chloe in the morning, and spending the time in between with the other Birthmothers, playing games and chatting lazily about what a certain birthmother had said or how much they hated the caretakers (present company excluded), or what they wanted to get reassigned when they were done here. Simple mindless chatter that was starting to make me realize that there were varying levels of how much the birthmothers could feel. Some girls, like Moria and Shea, were standard citizen material. These girls only had mild heightened emotion because they had been taken off of the pill. They had vaguely grasped the concept of complex emotions, but were still unaware of the depths it could go to. They still liked to talk of meaningless things, and their bonds with the other girls were still unbelievably shallow. No doubt when they were finished producing and were put back on the pill, these friendships would melt away for them and it wouldn't be long until they had even forgotten most of the others, and perhaps of what it was like to be a birthmother.

Then there were girls like Grace and Doreen, girls that could really feel things, could really bond with people, but were scared of what that meant, and therefore buffered themselves on how deep their emotions went. Grace especially went to great lengths to keep herself from being someone any less than "normal". Her constant fretting about the rules, how she always tried to change the subject to more "acceptable" topics, how little she tried to pay attention to her product growing inside of herself. I was finding out she was trying to force herself to be what the Community expected her to be. It seemed also that now that her own time of production was drawing near, and this being her last product, she was trying harder than ever to reign in her emotions and prepare herself to readjust back to community life, where emotions were not a part of everyday life. Or at least the emotions she felt weren't.

Then, lastly, there were girls like Anna, girls that had somehow glitched (that was the only way I could describe what happened to us) even before she had been assigned Birthmother and was now experiencing the full range of complex human emotions. Anna and I and people like us were feeling things we didn't even have names for. We are the people who couldn't adjust to life on the pill, who just knew things weren't right, people who had to try, really try, to appear as unfeeling and apathetic as everyone else. I had mastered it, I'd been practicing it since I was fourteen, perhaps even sooner, I can remember feeling different as a kid and trying my hardest not to let that feeling show. Anna on the other hand seems to be having trouble. Most of the time she seem as logical and unfeeling as the rest of them, but on occasion, her feelings get the best of her and she snaps.

It makes me worry about her future.

But I won't think about this now. I'm not here to discuss how much the birthmothers can feel, my father has no time for that. I'm here to discuss Chloe. And the possibility of having her replace Althea, who desperately needed to be transferred to the House of the Old.

"Yes he is" Althea responds, shuffling some papers on her desk "But he's very busy"

I had no idea what my father did all day, he was forbidden from talking about it with anyone, even his family unit, but it sure kept him busy all the time.

"I don't care if he's busy Althea, buzz him and tell him Cael is here, and it's imperative that I see him."

Althea's eyes get wide, and her mouth fall open. I've frightened the old woman, immediately I feel bad. Althea is a kind woman, albeit an unfeeling one. I keep forgetting that just because she works with my father on a daily basis doesn't mean she has anymore heightened feeling than a typical citizen. She's probably still on the pill, though she probably no longer even gets stirrings. Citizens aren't allowed to stop the pill to they enter the House of the Old.

"I'm sorry Althea; I didn't mean to get irritable." I speak to her soothingly, using the same voice I'd use to calm down a frightened child during an examination. I see her shoulders relax a little, though she's still looking at me wearily. "I apologize for speaking irritably at you and not paying you the respect you deserve." I chant the proper apology. Immediately Althea's smile returns and she brightens.

"I accept your apology Cael" she chants back "Here let me announce you to Gowyr."

"I appreciate that"

She reaches forward and presses the button near her monitor and I hear the speaker click on. "Receiver sir?" Althea calls into the speaker. Like usual there is a short silence, probably my father trying to reach the speaker. I heard another light click and then my father's deep, reassuring voice "Yes Althea? What is it?"

"I apologize for bothering you sir" Althea says, frowning. My father cuts her off.

"No need to apologize Alethea. You never bother me."

Althea looks gratified and continues, "Sir, Cael the pediatrician is here and he wishes to speak to you" she pauses uncertainly and then adds, "He says it's urgent."

"Tell him to wait outside. I will be there shortly."

"Yes sir. Thank-you for your instructions." Alethea chants, I feel it's another required response that Alethea was taught. She clicks the speaker off and starts shuffling papers again "He'll be with you shortly." She says.

_I can hear him you know. _I find myself thinking with a chuckle. "Thank-you Alethea."

"You're welcome" Alethea replies, pulling out a specific paper from the stack and placing it on top "Do you mind if I ask what this is about."

I can't tell her yet; I don't want to get her hopes up. There is no guarantee Father will agree to this, that he will even consider it, but I have to try. Chloe deserves better than the life of a laborer, she deserved a better life than a Birthmother. She had the dispositions and the qualities fit for a more prestigious job…. and yet…why? Why had they stuck her in an assignment so below her?

I've always had the feeling there was more going on around here than they tell us…but I never had any proof, and I wasn't going to go accusing anyone if I didn't have evidence. Good evidence that would convince the people to side with me.

Alethea is looking at me expectantly, waiting for my answer. So I smile at her "It's about a Birthmother" I tell her "I'm seeking his advice on how to handle a delicate situation."

"Oh" Alethea looks a little disappointed but shrugs and turns her attention back to her papers "I understand."

A moment later my father appears out of his room, looking even more annoyed than usual "What is it Cael?" he grumbles "This better be good. I'm in no need for pointlessness today."

"Father" I say lightly "I'm nearly an adult now. I don't think you need to worry about pointlessness with me anymore."

My father snorts "Let me be the judge of that" he snaps.

"But you were not put in the Justice department. Therefore you can not judge."

"Cael must you be so…" Father frowns, searching for the right word.

"Be so what?" I ask. Father sighs, rather loudly and shakes his head.

"Never mind." He says, waving his hand. "What is it you want to talk to me about?"

"Actually" I say, glancing over Alethea, jotting stuff down on her paper. "Can we speak in private? It's of a…. delicate matter."

Father sighs again, as if this has been nothing but a big bother to him. Finally he looks over at Alethea "Alethea, could you go check and see if the Committee needs anything?"

Alethea looks up from her papers, confused "But wouldn't they call if they needed something?" she asks.

"Not if they are busy."

"Right" Alethea nods "Right away sir. Thank you for your instructions." Shakily she gets to her feet and starts to hobble toward the door.

"Do you need help?" Father asks her, looking concerned. Alethea shakes her head.

"I'm fine" she says reassuringly. I watch as she opens the door and makes her way outside, limping. Her health was deteriorating quickly. The sooner she could retire the better.

"Father, she's to old for this assignment."

"Don't I know it" father groans "She's a sweet woman and I value her greatly, but she can hardly get things done anymore."

"That's actually what I'm here to talk to you about."

Father looks at me expectantly.

"Do you know if they are looking at anyone to replace Alethea?"

He shakes his head "No. They did for a while, but apparently there is no one with the right qualities in this group of elevens. Apparently Attendants to the Receiver candidates are almost as hard to come by as Receiver candidates."

"Well, what if I told you I think I may no someone whose perfect for the position."

"And who is that?"

"It's that birthmother I've been tell you about."

"You mean Chloe?"

I look at him, surprised "I never mentioned her by name…how did you know?"

My father chuckles "Cael, you seem to forget who I am"

"You are my Father."

"And the Receiver. I'm made aware of everything that happens here in the Community. The committee came to me on advice on what to do with Chloe. I'm very aware of her situation."

"Well I've been observing her a lot lately and….I think she would make an excellent Attendant to the Receiver."

"Is that so?" My father crosses his arms over his chest and arches his eyebrows.

"Yes sir. She's got all the right qualities. She's organized and efficient. She's intelligent, she follows directions very well, and she's patient."

"Hmm" Father scratches at his beard "Sounds to me like you just described every citizen in the community Cael."

I stare at him confused. "Except for the intelligence" father laughs, "Some people are certainly not very intelligent."

I think of Doreen, who lacked intelligence, or at least what we considered intelligence. The girl wasn't to smart when it came to vocabulary or science or mathematics, but I can't help but think that there was something about Doreen. Something about the way she could seemingly understand what everyone was feeling, the way she got along with people, knew how to make someone feel accepted and wanted, that told me she wasn't as lacking in brains as we joked that she was. Maybe she was intelligent, just not how people thought of intelligence.

"Father" I say, "I know, just know, that Chloe would do this job well. Just give her a chance."

My father is silent for a long time. He's looking at me oddly, differently actually, than he ever has before. His pale somewhat intimidating eyes are scrutinizing me, but not in a bad way. It's like he's starting to see that there is more to me than he thought. He cocks his head to one side and than to the other. He scratches his beard. I can practically hear my heart in my chest. I HAVE to have my father's support. My father has to approve of this, has to want Chloe. Without him I have no chance of getting Chloe this assignment. I might be able to get a variance for her, get her assigned Fish Hatchery Attendant, Bicycle Repair, something like that. But I don't want that for her. I want this for her. I want her here with my father.

If only father would say yes.

"She is a birthmother" Father says at last. I nod. "Won't she just be given some laborious assignment? The Committee is talking about assigning her food production."

I wrinkle my nose "She'd hate that." I say, "She'd apply for an appeal."

"Doesn't matter." Father replies, "They'd just stick her somewhere else."

"But father. Surely you know about the toll this production has taken on her body. She's not strong anymore; she's not made for the life of a laborer. Mekhi even told me that we are going to have to ask for variance, if she lives through the birth, and get her assigned as something else."

"And you think she is suited for this one?" he gestures to Alethea's desk. I nod.

"I really do father. And it will help Alethea too. She won't have to wait much longer for a replacement. Chloe's due in a month and they will give her a couple of weeks to recover and then decertify her."

My father is quiet again. Staring at me. I meet his gaze evenly, trying to convey to him how much I wanted this.

Finally my father sighs, "You are an odd one Cael. And one I'll never understand. All right, fine, I'll go talk to this Chloe. See if I think she has the right qualities."

I grin "Thank-you Father. This means a lot to me."

"No promises though" my father adds.

I'm practically bouncing on my toes I'm so excited. "Right" I say "No promises."

X_X_X_X_X_X_X_X_X_X_X_X_X_X_X_X_X_X_X_X_X_X_X_X_X_X_X_X_X_

My father tells me that he will go to the Birthing Unit after mid-day meal. I pedal quickly to the Birthing Unit, park my bike in it's proper port, rush up the stairs and all but run to the High Risk Pregnancies Wing. I throw open the door to Chloe's room excited to share my news.

Chloe is asleep still, propped up by pillows to keep her from turning in her sleep and possibly crushing the products.

Chloe gets so little sleep nowadays. Her products keep her up at all hours of the night with their squirming, and even when they were still, the pain and discomfort she was always in kept her from getting any real rest. Moments like these, when she finally did drift off, were so rare that to wake her up now would be cruel.

I start to close the door, stop, and look once more at my friend. Her mouth is open slightly, and her breathing is slow and even against the pillow. Strands of her hair have escaped their ponytail and hang limply in her face. As I watch her mouth closes, and her lips twitch slightly upward into a small smile. She makes a small noise of contentment and shifts lightly, but doesn't wake up.

My heart does something weird. Something it's never done before. It starts to beat erratically, quickening its pace. My stomach tightens a little and my head feels funny. I frown. What was this? Was I getting sick? That didn't seem right. And I wasn't nervous or scared either. Actually I feel kind of…happy.

What was happening to me?

"Cael?" I soft voice speaks from behind me. I turn and find Yoshiko standing there, looking at me curiously. "Is she alright in there?" she glances behind me at Chloe. I nod, stepping out and closing the door.

"She's asleep now" I tell her "Best let her be."

"Right" Yoshiko chuckles "Birthmothers in their third trimester don't get nearly enough sleep. It most certainly is not healthy for them."

"No it probably isn't." I agree, making my voice light and unconcerned "Yoshiko can I ask for your medical opinion?"

"Of course" laughs Yoshiko "I'd be more than glad to assist a medical assistant."

"Well…umm. What would you say a person who has erratic heartbeat, tightening stomach and a light head is suffering from?"

The woman purses her lips and furrows her brow, thinking. "That is odd…. does this person feel sick?"

"No" I shake my head "quite the opposite actually. They feel nice."

"Hmm. Sounds to me like that person is probably suffering from heightened stirrings. If I were them I'd up my pill dosage."

Stirrings? For Chloe? Was it possible? She had given them to me before. But we had been children then. I'd thought that those feelings were behind me.

"Alright then. Thank you Yoshiko"

The woman laughs again "It was my pleasure Cael. See you around."

"Yeah. See you" I say, watching her as she makes her way to the desk of the High Risk Pregnancies Unit, touches the monitor a few times, no doubt checking schedules, and then turns and leaves. Yoshiko was a regular doctor here; it was her job to take care of these birthmothers. We had talked a handful of times, mostly about Chloe's health. Yoshiko was different. Not as different as Anna or Chloe or I. She took her pill diligently and was living the shallow life that most citizens did. Yet there was something about her that was different. Something that was off, she still didn't quite fit in. I had noticed yesterday that Adam was the same way.

I wish I could figure out what it was.

But no sooner does Yoshiko take her leave than Anna slips in, alone this time, without her usual comrades. She smiles at me, and I return the gesture than put my finger to my lips. She looks at me strangely.

"Chloe's asleep" I tell her.

"Oh? That's good. She needs sleep."

I nod.

"Hey Cael, where were you this morning? I haven't seen you at all today."

"I went to go take care of some things." I tell her.

She frowns, upset that I won't divulge more information to her. "Chloe was asking for you this morning."

"Was she?"

"Yeah. She was all 'Anna where's Cael?' 'Why haven't I seen Cael yet?' 'He didn't get reassigned did he?'"

"No, just running errands."

"Well you gave her a little bit of a fright. If I were you I'd make sure to go in there first chance and let her know you're here."

There it is again. The off-kilter heartbeat, the stomach spasms, I'm rushed with a warm happy feeling. I get a strange sense of joy out of knowing Chloe wanted me around.

Stirrings?

"You alright?" Anna's asking, snapping her fingers in my face. I laugh and bat them away. "Yeah, I'm fine. I apologize for hitting you."

Anna shrugs "I accept your apology."

"Hey Anna?"

"Yeah?"

"What do Stirrings feel like for you?"

My friend's cheeks darken a little, and her eyes get wide "What?"

"Am I being rude again?"

"Well…I…no not rude…it's just…unexpected?"

"Would it be uncomfortable for you to answer that question?"

"Sort of"

"I apologize for asking questions that make you feel uncomfortable."

"I accept your apology." She shifts from one foot to the other. Her stomach is huge now, it's a wonder she can stay on her feet this long. "Why do you want to know?"

Now I can feel heat on my cheeks and I glance down "Well I uhh.."

"You think you might be getting stirrings?"

"I'm not sure" I admit "Yoshiko told me that it sounds like heightened stirrings. But I've never experienced stirrings like this before."

"What does it feel like?"

I describe my symptoms again. She listens carefully, nodding along. Finally she says, "Sounds like stirrings to me."

"Really?"

"Yup. There are two kinds of stirrings Cael. The first kind is the wanting and the longing that we all feel as children. The kind that usually manifests itself in dreams that we report to our parents who put us on the pill."

"And the other kind?"

"Well the other kind is more directed toward a certain person. It's hard to explain, but…. you start to prefer that person's company, but you get all…. oh I don't know…nervous around that person? You think about them a lot too, and more affectionately than before too. It's not like is it with you friends or your family, it's a different kind of affection. Normally it accompanies the wanting and the longing. Your body reacts to the emotions you feel, so those symptoms are nothing more than reactions to the emotions you feel for a certain person."

"So you're saying this is happening because I'm getting new emotions for Chloe?"

Anna's smile disappears for a moment. Her shoulders droop, she kind of looks disappointed. "Chloe?" she asks, "You get these feelings for Chloe?"

I nod "Yeah, strange huh?"

"I'll say" Anna grumbles, "You know she feels the same way about Adam right?"

I nod.

"And that she has never got stirrings for you."

I shrug.

She gives an exasperated sigh "I see."

"See what?"

"Nothing" Anna shakes her head "I should go. Grace will be wondering where I am."

"Alright"

She's upset; I can see it in her eyes. Something I've said has upset her. But I don't know what it was. All I said was that I got strange feelings for Chloe. What was so offending about that?

As she walking away she calls over shoulder "Maybe you should up your pill dosage Cael."

Her voice sounds oddly…cold.


End file.
